Page 63 of Actions and Reactions
“I’m as tall as you and still growing,” Lex quips back.
“In your dreams.”
I let them get the bantering out of their system, and when they shut up for a second I pipe up.
“Who is it? Anyone we would know?”
“Probably.” He shrugs as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. I just stare him down until he breaks, which doesn’t take five seconds. “Alaina Newman.”
“I’m sorry?” I lean in on instinct. I can’t have heard him right.
Lex had the bad luck of taking a drink just then, so he spits it all over the table.
I have Dad’s genes to thank for my reflexes, because I reach for the platter of paella and pull it away from the spray.
“Okay.” Dad lets out an exasperated sigh, like we’re the ones who did something wrong. He could’ve warned us, or he could’ve waited until Lex was done sipping his water. “Let it rip.” He invites our comments by raising both hands and making a come forward motion with both.
So we . . . let it rip.
“You’re dating Alaina Newman?”
“You’re dating someone who has three Oscars?”
“I mean, what do you even talk about?”
“Isn’t she like, the best actress ever?”
“Where did you meet her?”
“How did you get her to give you a shot?”
“Are you lying?”
“Is this a joke?”
Dad stares at us in silence after that, and when we don’t say anything else for a long moment, he nods and... picks up his fork, the infuriating man.
“I met her at a TV awards thing.” He waves the fork around before piercing a bite of only the puffy bread that surrounds the actual meat. “I am dating her.” Pause to take the bite. “That’s right, Lex, she does have three Oscars, and I have four Stanley Cup rings, thank you very much.” That time he talks while chewing. “We talk about all kinds ofthings. Including but not limited to how annoying teenage sons can be.” A pointed look our way. “Yes, she’s very talented, I made her laugh, that’s how I got her number, just like your Momma. I am not lying, and it’s not a joke. She and her son, Corey, are coming to dinner tomorrow, and we’re going to the game Monday night, which will be our first ‘outing’ as a couple.” He even makes quotation marks with his fingers.
“Is her son cool?” I ask.
“So we have another stepbrother?” Lex muses.
I really want to bite back what pops into my head but I just can’t, it’s too good.
“Chill, Lex. You already made one stepbrother fall in love with you, leave some for the rest of us.”
Dad, the good man that he is, really tries not to laugh, and Lex, well, he gives it right back.
“I don’t think anyone would appreciate your advances since you’ve been hopelessly in love with the same man for more than a decade and haven’t managed to seal the deal.”
Yeah, okay. That’s fair, I guess.
And that makes Dad lose his control and he laughs at us.
“Where did I go wrong?” he asks between chuckles. He clearly wanted to sound mournful but failed. Massively.
“Well, you married your best friend, divorced her when she found herone true love, and then traumatized your children by telling them it was fine with you because you only had sex to have kids or when you were really, really horny.”
