Page 55 of Actions and Reactions
Aunt Lyla:
I know this might not be the right thing to say, but I swear to all that’s holy, Silas Richard Wayne, if you ever punch another wall I’m going to tan your behind until you wish you hadn’t.
You know how hard it is to get rid of scars?
I snort. Of course she’d want to make light of it by focusing on that.
Very hard, Silas.
Come on, sweetheart, you have a beautiful soul and you’ll get through this with all of us cheering you on.
You’ll never lose us.
And that’s the thing, isn’t it?
I might’ve lost Vinny, but if I want a chance to repair things between us, then I have to put in the work. I have to show him with my actions that I want to try, thatIcantry.
Lottie’s waitingfor us in the hangar when we step out of the jet, and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see her.
Leaning against her dark blue BMW SUV, and wearing leggings and a huge Chicago Deep sweatshirt, she looks just the same.
Everything that’s the same as before is like a balm to my heart. She’s always been in love with big sweatshirts, and I bet this one was made with a huge hockey player in mind. And though my sister isn’t exactly small—she’s strong as hell—she’s swimming inside the fabric still.
Which means she looks perfect.
Her fierce hug is another type of balm, this one deeper and way more effective. Corny or not, it calms my soul and makes me feel loved.
There’s nothing quite like a hug from an older sister, just like there’s nothing like hugs from my parents, but aside from Vinny I think the only person in the world who has a chance of really knowing me is Charlotte. She knows what it’s like to be the great Paul Wayne’s child, she grew up in the same house as me, even if she was already playing in the NWHL and had played in the Olympics when my accident happened. Our five-year age difference means that growing up our lives were very different, or so we thought, but our experiences were very much the same.
People expected greatness from Lottie as much as they did from me, and our parents became champions for the NWHL as soon as she started showing interest in hockey. The whole world knew where she came from just like theydid with me, and that pressure isn’t something that I’ve been able to explain with words.
I think Vinny and Lex can understand it better than most, but good or bad, Dad’s legacy and reputation are a different beast compared to Uncle Hulk’s.
No, Lottie’s for sure the only one who understands.
Vinny’s the one who saw what that responsibility did to me day to day, but he didn’t experience it.
No one else has, so I don’t know exactly how going to a place where a bunch of other people—who have actually gone through trauma—is supposed to help me feel better. I’m prepared for it to be way worse than the hospital at this point, because what else could be waiting for me at this place but shame that I can’t deal with my very insignificant issues?
Nothing.
But it’s the best option I have.
We all murmur our greetings and soon enough we’re on our way to some suburb where this trauma center is.
“What I could see of it the other day was really nice, Si. I think you’re gonna like it,” she tells me from the driver’s seat.
I hum in answer. What can I say?
I’m doing my very best not to let my apprehension show, because that would be useless—I’m doing this anyway. Isn’t that what real work is? Doing shit you don’t want to do but know you have to?
Or maybe that’s what maturity is... I really don’t know, but there’s no changing anything.
If I had my way, everything would be different.
Dr. Olive Jodyis a tall woman with a perfect bob of black hair and small red-rimmed glasses. She greets us in the lobby of this place and introduces herself as the director of New Hope. I can tell how she zeroes in on me in a way that makes me twitchy because I’m clearly the person who’ll be staying here. Then she offers me her left hand to shake since I’m wearing a cast, and does it in such a seamless way, it impresses me.
She shows us around the common areas, but I barely register what we see and what she says, and by the time she ushers us into a meeting room, I feel calmer.
