Page 78 of Actions and Reactions
“It really is, and the guys are all so focused all the time that they forget some basic things, like...” I have to pause to bark out a laugh when I remember. “Twocox—Knox Wilcox,” I correct when he looks at me confused. “He was so focused on reviewing tape on his tablet after practice one day, that he forgot to put on a shirt on his way out of the rink. He got in his car and sat there for about forty minutes, still watching shit, then he drove home and only realized he was shirtless when he got there.”
Colin’s laugh makes me feel better, like I’m not justfinding the good things for myself, but maybe I’m bringing some joy to his life as well. That would be cool.
“And they all do shit like that constantly.” I nod when he just keeps laughing. “Santa had this playlist of songs you only twerk to basically, and that’s how he’d get everyone to lighten up.”
“He just retired, didn’t he?” He gets back to his walking and increases the speed just a little.
“Yes. He and Charlie live somewhere close to here now, actually.”
“Man, I’ve been a fan of the Deep all my life, obviously, since I lived in the city?—”
“My sister’s gonna love to hear that,” I interrupt him quickly, and by the way he nods, I think he might’ve kept his distance from her on Sunday on purpose.
“You’re cool, dude, but your sister . . .”
I don’tlovethe tone when he trails off, and I tell him so, which makes him laugh again and then...
“Yeah, the blush isn’t any better dude, damn.”
“Sorry, sorry.” He lets go of the bars for a second to hold his palms up. “Anyway, I always have and always will root for the Deep, but we’ve always rooted for Charlie too, you know? He’s one of our own.”
“I think that’s awesome. I don’t think it’s that way for Vinny in LA, and his Dad freaking played there too.”
“Vinny is Jankowski, then? Hulk’s son?”
“That’s right.” I nod and focus on my hand again. “He’s my best friend, and well... boyfriend, I guess.”
“Man, you guess? That’s some weak game right there.” He points at me and I have to laugh then too.
“I do have a very weak game, Colin, that’s just a fact of life.”
“No it’s not,” he protests. “You can up your game whenever you want to, kid. You just have to actually want to.”
I keep thinking about his words for the rest of the day, and even though Todd tells me I won’t need as much PT as he thought, that my hand is healing really well, and that I’ll only have to see him two times a week, I can’t feel the accomplishment of any of those things.
“Why do you think I can feel all the shitty stuff and not the good things?” I ask Dave early the next day after I tell him all about it. “Why only the bad stuff?”
“I told you this before. First comes the shit, then comes the sunshine.” He has said that in multiple sessions.
“I still hate it.”
“I know you do,” he murmurs.
At our group therapy session the next day, when it’s my turn, I talk about what I love about hockey, since I’ve been wanting to focus on the good stuff. Dr. Jody encourages me to explain the game to Annie and Consuelo, since they have no clue what I’m talking about, and even brings in a TV so I can show them some clips.
The video of the face-off finishes and the next starts without any delay, and it’s of a fight—actually it’s Santa beating the shit out of a guy—and Annie is fascinated even after I quickly shut it off.
“They can just fight whenever they feel like it?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Helen tells her. “Though they get penalties for it, they just let the players have at it.”
“Man, I wish I could just punch people whenever I feel like it,” Annie mumbles.
Consuelo, who’s next to her, holds up a hand between them as if protecting herself, and Annie bursts out laughing.
She has a melodic and happy-sounding laugh, and I’m a bit mesmerized since I’ve never even heard her chuckle. And I guess I’m not the only one, since we all stare at her.
She stops when she notices our stunned stares, and we all rush to apologize.
