Page 88 of Wants and Needs
I brave the heat from the car to the front door of the brownstone, and the sheer volume of laughter and voices is startling.
I follow the sound to the comfortable living room at the back and find all of my friends there. Mike and Theo aren’t of course, but the other three couples, Iris, and Adam’s cousins Alex and Lucy are all there.
They’re playing fucking video games, and I can’t right now.
I can’t act happy or carefree.
“Adam!” I shout over all the bloody noise, which only lowers slightly, though my friend does turn toward me with startlingly wide eyes.
“Hey, man!” he cries out, and a smile starts to bloom on his face but then quickly fades. “What’s wrong?”
I look at CJ who’s also frowning at me, and tilt my head.
“Come on,” I tell them, and walk away to take the elevator to the third floor.
The sitting room up there will be the perfect place to have this conversation.
I’m not giving up on Liam or our relationship, not until he tells me he’s done with me. Until that time comes, I’m going to go along as if it’s never coming, and that means I need to get ready to be the man Liam wants and needs next to him.
“You didn’t come home last night,” CJ sing-songs when we all make ourselves comfortable. He’s trying to sound teasing, and any other time I’d welcome that, but not today.
“I stayed over at Liam’s,” I tell him straight up. “Now I need you two to explain gay sex to me, please.” They’re the two men I’m closest to in the world, and both very good people. There’s no one else I’d trust to ask about?—
Everything inside me comes to a screeching halt as a realization hits.
Liam is now on that list as well, of people I’d trust enough to go get advice from.
It hits hard, and it only reinforces my resolve to not let him go without a fight.
“Do you mean anal sex?” Adam asks, his frown never leaving his face.
“Yes, all of it.”
“Well, sex isn’t only penetrative sex—” Adam starts but I cut him off.
“I know that, fuck.” I rub a hand down my face then try to explain myself better. “How do you choose who tops and who bottoms? Am I supposed to decide what I like and just tell Liam? What if we both want to top? Or bottom? How do you give a blow job? Do you like giving blow jobs? Do you do it?—”
“Okay, stop.” Adam interrupts my speech, which was starting to sound panicked and hysterical—and not in the funny way. “Jeez,” he breathes out the word harshly. “This is going to take some time.”
CJ jumps up suddenly.
“You remember when we used to have study sessions so long we’d all fall asleep at my place back in Cavendish?” he asks, and looks at us excitedly.
“Uh, yeah.” Of course I remember. We were more nerdy than anyone who meets us can ever imagine.
“Let’s do that but for sex!” he shouts. “I’m going to call down and ask Milton for snacks. This needs to happen today since we’re leaving for Como tomorrow. Adam, you let Sebas know he can leave Dani here with us if he wants?—”
“So she can hear us talk about sex?” I demand, seriously disturbed by the turn this has taken.
“She’s one,” Adam deadpans. “And if she wasn’t asleep already then I bet she could understand some of what we’re saying, but as long as we don’t make too much noise...” He looks pointedly at CJ. “Then it should be fine.”
“See?” CJ asks and sticks his tongue out at me. “I’ll text Wolf so no one interrupts us. Carter, go change and bring up your laptop and a notebook if you have it. There will be diagrams and a test at the end.”
Jesus Christ, what did I get myself into?
Adam passes out before eleven—theDad life has really changed him, in a good way—but CJ sadly doesn’t run out of juice until he’s described, in painful detail, how to give the best blow job.
He even uses a cucumber as a prop—one he raced down the stairs for—and the sheer girth of it has me wincing, but my friend isn’t deterred even after he assures me no man is that big.
