Page 74 of Wants and Needs
“And the second?”
“A two.” He sounds so subdued.
“What would you rather be feeling right now?”
It takes him longer to answer then, and I turn to see him looking back at me with his chin resting on his hand.
“I’d like to be excited,” he confesses like it’s a bad thing, though I don’t know why. “Wait,” he says suddenly, and sits up. “You’re doing that test thing you created for your app,” he says louder.
I’m about to apologize, but he laughs. Long and loud, with his crinkled eyes closed. It doesn’t sound mean, but I’m still not sure if he’s laughing at me or not.
“Are you making fun of me?” I ask just to make sure. I’m not sure I’d mind it in this situation, not particularly. My actions are rather ridiculous, I know that.
“No,” Carter says, shaking his head but still chuckling. His simple answer would’ve been enough for me, but he explains further. “My delight for you had to come out one way or the other, and my body chose laughter,” he says, then he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
When his eyes clash with mine, I can’t hold his stare for too long this time.
I watch my fingers twist together as I think of an appropriate response, but then I realize it doesn’t exist. The best I can come up with is to mumble the truth.
“You delight me too.”
“I think this might be the most romantic moment of my life,” he says, and my head snaps up to look at him.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He nods once, his smile intact on his lips. “I mean, the bar was low, Liam. I’ve had basically no romance in my life.” I don’t think I mind that, in fact a flurry of excitement fills me at the thought of being the first person to give Carter some romance. “And since I thought I was straight and went along with all those pesky rules like the man plans the date, opens doors, and all that, then I was in charge of bringing the romance into the equation, and I’ve never been good at it.”
“I think you are,” I confess, and then I reel back when I digest what he said. “So you don’t believe you’re straight?” I ask, just to make sure.
The kettle whistles right then, and stops him from answering.
I take my time preparing his tea, not only because I want it to be perfectly brewed for him, but because it gives me a few precious minutes to come to terms with how everything might change after this conversation.
I don’t quite manage it, but I am calmer when I carry an empty cup and the teapot to the coffee table in the living room.
I set it all down in front of Carter, and then I don’t have a clue what to do. He does, and looks up at me with a softer smile.
“Given how much I enjoyed you kissing me, I believe me not being straight is the only logical conclusion.”
“That sounds correct,” I mumble.
“Come on, sit here with me,” he says and pats the cushion next to him.
I do as he asks and turn to look straight at him. He leans back until he’s almost horizontal, and sighs. My couch is one of those very wide ones, because I like how comfortable they are and I like sitting cross legged on them when I want to be more upright.
Carter doesn’t seem to mind one bit, which is a good thing. I want him to be comfortable.
“So I suppose I’m bisexual.”
“That’s one of the options, yes,” I add, for no apparent reason.
“What other options are there?” he asks.
“Oh, so many. You could be gay and just never have known it because you repressed it so deeply... you can be pansexual, you can be asexual, you can be aromantic.”
“Well, I don’t know about any of those, except the asexual. I very much enjoy sex, with myself and other people.” I snort at that, and though I remember his mention of seeing other men naked, which I suspect was him alluding to watching porn, I keep my mouth shut. “And just now I enjoyed our romantic moment, and I’d like to have more of those, so I don’t think I’m aromantic.”
“I’m demisexual,” I confess.
