Page 69 of Wants and Needs
“He seems thoughtful,” William says, then hums.
“And like a good person,” Parker adds.
“Heis,” I stress. “I know he’s a good person.”
“Then we can deduce he’s being honest in these messages, right?” Parker asks.
“I think so,” William agrees.
“Then why do you feel like you can’t be in the same room as him?” Parker asks me. “From all the information you’ve provided, it doesn’t seem like he’d mock you.”
“And,” William shouts before I can answer, jumping in his seat a little. “He won’t make you feel bad or embarrass you.”
“I don’t think he will,” I tell them, trying to remain calm. “But I’m still embarrassed.”
“Why?” Parker doesn’t ask with an air of desperation but of honest curiosity.
“Because I mistook his behavior even after we specificallydiscussed how to act like we’re in love. I knew he was acting and I still believed somehow that he had real feelings for me.”
“But he’s clearly not judging you for it, and you told us you explained to him how you struggle with interpreting people’s actions, so he must understand, right?” William is practically on top of the table now.
“But it was such a stupid mistake,” I cry out, and feel the embarrassment creep back in.
“It was,” Parker says, still emotionless. “But it sounds like you were having a highly emotional night, and the days prior as well. Having to see your ex-boyfriend while he was being so mean, then trying to convince this woman to invest in ESoothe, and when human beings are in highly emotional situations, the after effects are always harsh. I believe it’s the norm to throw logic out the window, and I’m hoping I’m using that saying correctly?—”
“You are,” William and I say at the same time.
“Then it’s rational to conclude you weren’t in full control of your emotions last night. But you arenow,” he emphasizes, which is rare for him. “He is, right?” he asks William.
“I think so,” he murmurs.
“Me too,” I agree, and sigh. “But I’m still feeling embarrassed now.”
“I think that’s to be expected as well,” William says. “I believe hypotheticals are also a big part of advice-giving. I propose this one: if we could cure your embarrassment right now would you still not want to ever be in the same room as Carter?”
I give the theory some serious thought, then have to shake my head.
“I enjoyed his company, and if I were able to not remember the incident, then I’d be more than happy to continue our friendship... But,” I continue before William can celebrate too much. “I’d be even more attracted to him if I couldn’t remember the embarrassment, wouldn’t I?”
“How so?” Parker asks.
“It’s very unusual for me to feel attraction. I have to get to know a man very well, and like him, and feel... cared for,” I settle on. “Before I can be physically attracted to him. With Carter it happened faster than usual because the first thing I knew about him was that he’d protected my little sister.”
“And then he was very understanding and accommodating to you,” Parker points out.
“Precisely.” I nod a few times before I go on. “None of that would change if I forgot the embarrassment. I’d still be feeling the attraction and the desire to ... kiss him,” I hedge, because despite our new labels as friends, I’m not yet comfortable sharing the depth of my desire for Carter.
“And we still don’t know for certain if he feels any desire for you too,” William concludes, then hums thoughtfully.
“I propose a partial solution,” Parker says after a moment.
I release a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding and nod for him to go on.
“I believe Carter has the best of intentions regarding you, Liam. The facts are, youareembarrassed, you’re attracted to him and would like your relationship to be more than friendship, but you’d be fine with a friendship if there’s a way for you to overcome the embarrassment.” I nod along, following. “My proposal is you write back now that you know you read the situationwrong and you’re sorry. You say you’re not sure what it will feel like when you see each other again and be honest about your apprehension.”
“And then what?”
“And then you tell him you do want to be his friend,” William says, overly excited again. “He’s clearly taking this situation seriously, and I believe he can help you overcome your embarrassment better than us,” he points out, and I suppose that’s correct.
