Page 53 of Wants and Needs
I don’t know what to say for a long time, but then I just go with my instincts and throw my arms around him for a quick hard hug.
“Come on,” I tell him when I step back, and lead him to the living room. Once we’re seated, I smile at him, hoping he can see he doesn’t have anything to be scared of. “Tell me what happened,” I urge him gently.
He was a huge support to me while I didn’t have my shit together for four damn years. He has to know I would never judge him for anything.
“I’ve been struggling with this feeling for a long time now,” he confesses. “When I started my residency I didn’t have any doubts at all. I knew with a hundred percent certainty that becoming a surgeon was exactly what I wanted. But then they suspended me and everything changed.”
“Youwere changing, mate,” I tell him softly. “And not just because of Wolf, but because you were finally free.”
“That’s true.” He nods and looks down at his hands. “It just came to the point where I didn’t know who I was doing it for anymore. I still have no clue if I became a doctor because I wanted to or because it was one of the career paths that were acceptable for the Clemson trust.” He takes a moment and then keeps going. “For the past eight months, since Wolf moved back to LA and we’ve been together, I’ve felt like it’s not what I’m meant to be doing.
“But I know how quitting looks. I know it seems like I’m doing it because I don’t need to work anymore, and it’s the opposite.” He looks up, and my heart cracks at how much desperate pleading there is in his warm eyes. “I know I can make a waybigger impact in the world if I focus on where to send all this money.”
“Mate,” I start, and I can’t help the chastising tone. “You don’t owe anyone any explanations for what you do with your life except yourself. In fact, you owe it to yourself to do what makes you happy. If anyone feels the need to criticize you for this decision, then fuck them. You’re making this world a better place, and you have more impact than most people could even dream of. So fuck everyone else and you just do what makes you happy.”
CJ smiles at me.
“Diana said stuff to that effect,” he murmurs.
“Of course she did, she’s a very clever woman.”
“She’s the best,” CJ says and sighs. “I’m still scared of telling Adam, but she was the one I worried about the most.”
I shake my head at him in reprimand. “She loves you like a son, and you’re still a doctor for fuck’s sake, mate. You still did that, and I know you’re saving lives with your donations too. There’s more than one way to help people.”
“Yeah. I realize that now, or well, I’m more at peace with saying that now. In any case, when I quit and told Wolf—after he asked me to explain every detail of how I arrived at this decision—he declared we needed to celebrate, and then asked me what I wanted to do. Derek only has one more week off before he needs to get back to training camp, so I said we should come here as a kind of family vacation, and then Wolf and I will go to the house in Como for a week or so. Wolf and Hawk arranged for the time with Liam, and I do want to check on a few things here, mostly talking to you and Milton.”
“Why Milton?”
“Because he has a lot of cool ideas for the brownstone, man,” he says defensively and shoves my shoulder lightly. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”
“It’s your house,” I protest and scoff, but CJ looks at me like I’m an idiot.
“It’s yourhome,” he emphasizes.
“Right, right. Well mi casa es su casa,” I declare. “I think it’s good that you’re going on a real vacation.”
“Yes, and I bet I can talk to more than a few interesting people at this ball on Monday, so we’ll make the most of this trip.”
The mention of the ball reminds me of Liam and his quick escape. I debate on texting him, and in the end I can’t resist when we walk back to the dining room.
Carter
Did you get home okay?
Liam
I did.
Oh, well. I’ll see him tomorrow. I’ll do my best to reassure him then.
13LIAM
We’ll be thereto support you, Liam.
Such simple words.
Not complex by any means, but the unexpected knot that materializes in my throat is too much. I know it’s an indicator of a strong emotion, and I know what happens to me with strong emotions, so I leave.
