Page 47 of Wants and Needs
“She was sad a lot when I was little, but not anymore.”
“That’s good.” I clear my throat and shift in my seat, looking at my phone again. “All right, what’s your favorite color?”
“Black,” he says instantly and I look up quickly.
“Black isn’t a color,” I point out.
“I know,” he says, unbothered. “It’s the absence of light, but for me black is like silence and stillness and I like that.”
“All right.”
“What about you?”
“Blue,” I tell him without having to think about it. “I like all the shades of blue. Next is sports. Which sports do you like?”
“I like watching hockey, football, and baseball. All on mute and from my home.”
“That sounds about right. I like football. I root for Manchester City, and with American football I have to root for my friends whenever they’re playing, so I have Kings, Rogues, Warriors, and Sharks jerseys.”
He nods a few times as I list them.
“They’re all good teams but I root for the Kings in sports, actually all the New York teams, so Empire for hockey, and the Brooks for baseball, of course. What’s next?”
“Movies and TV shows. I like all kinds of movies except for horror. And my favorite TV show is Ted Lasso, of course.”
“Thatisa good show,” he says excitedly, sitting up slightly. “I think that would be my favorite too. TheHow to Train Your Dragonmovies andStar Wars, the original trilogy, are my favorite movies, thoughRogue Oneis amazing as well.”
“Agreed,” I tell him simply, then I take a deep breath. “There’s something I have to confess,” I start out, knowing this could pose a big complication with this plan.
“What is it?” His eyebrows are raised and he’s looking at me with his version of puppy dog eyes.
“I’ve never been in a serious romantic relationship.” I speak quickly. “I feel like a bit of a loser for it.”
“You’re not a loser,” Liam says softly. “I’m pretty sure if I’d lost my parents after graduating college, I would’ve lost all sense of reality.” I know it shouldn’t—since I’m coming to realizeLiam is a lot more perceptive than I gave him credit for when I first got to know him—but I’m surprised he deduced that’s the reason why I haven’t been in a serious relationship. “A loss like that changes everything, and you not having a relationship wouldn’t be a bad thing regardless of your circumstances. Look at me. I had a long-term, serious relationship with a man who turned out to be evil incarnate, so maybe you’re better off?”
A tiny snort leaves me at that.
“That’s a good point,” I mumble. “Anyway, I just don’t have that experience, so I’m not quite sure how to act like I’m part of a couple.”
“Well, let me explain something that I think will help you.”
“What is it?”
“I met Dirk when I was eighteen.” That’s not the direction I thought this was going, but I keep my mouth shut and listen intently. “We started at Juilliard at the same time and he took an interest in me.” He shrugs like it couldn’t be helped, like attention was all he needed. “I’d never had a friend my age... or otherwise, really. I never went to a regular school, so it was nice having someone to talk to and someone who seemed to want to know everything about me. Two years after we met he kissed me. I’d started to feel attracted to him way before but couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it.
“In any case, we became a couple. He was trying to make it on Broadway when I decided to go to Harvard, and after a few months he moved to Boston since things weren’t working out here for him. He found work in a few different productions there over the years. He was my world, and I thought everything was fine. I was in the middle of my PhD, doing my best to keep theresearch going and getting grants to expand it, when I came home to find him fucking another man.”
A growl leaves me but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t hear it. He’s lost in the story.
“I kicked him out that day, and then my father called Dirk to remind him of the NDA they made him sign when we became a couple.”
“That was smart,” I point out.
“I guess it was.” He shrugs again. “My parents never liked him, but I only realized that after... after. The point I’m trying to make is, we should’ve been in a place in our relationship where trust and love were a given, but they weren’t. I suspect now that he targeted me from the start just to try to get ahead in the industry. He said things that alluded to that during our last fight?—”
“And at the restaurant yesterday,” I interrupt him.
“Yeah...” That’s all he says for a long moment, but then he inhales sharply. “So every couple is different. You can act with me whichever way you want as long as you’re confident next to me. Act like you’re comfortable, you know? That’s something I’ve always noticed couples look like when they’re together. The one thing that will make Dirk realizeIlove you, is if I let you touch me, and... if I touch you.”
