Page 79 of Wants and Needs
“What?” he asks, confused.
“The romance bar was on the floor, then you raised it back in your apartment, and just now you did it again.”
“So did you,” he says, his tone accusatory, and it makes me smile. “You told me you don’t mind if I put on my earbuds whilewe’re walking together because you know all the sounds bother me.”
“That’s because I’m not an arsehole,” I protest.
“No, you’re definitely not.” He smiles again, and this time he kisses me like he’s making a point. “You’re a good man, Carter,” he repeats, and for some reason my throat constricts at it.
Okay, notsomereason.
I’ve had more than a few times in my life when I’ve doubted whether I’m a good person or not, so Liam believing I am makes me emotional. Of course it does.
“Put on your earbuds,” I grumble and look away.
He does as I ask, and I can’t say I’m not grateful for this free pass not to talk.
The thought of Liam having any kind of expectations for what will happen when we’re back at his flat is daunting, but I have about thirty minutes to figure it out.
I useevery second of our walk to construct a somewhat logical sentence that will explain my wishes and not make Liam feel bad, and so I blurt it out the second the elevator’s doors close and he puts his earbuds away.
“I’m not ready to have sex with you.”
Clearly, I’m not a master with words.
“Okay,” Liam says simply, though his frown is slightly more pronounced than normal. “I didn’t think it would be wise for us to have sex tonight,” he says slowly. “I am physically attracted to you, but I also believe anticipation and slow increments in intensityof sexual encounters will result in an overall more enjoyable experience when we eventually do have sex.”
Okay, I need a moment to process all that, and thankfully, the elevator dings right then and distracts Liam.
At least for the two minutes it takes us to walk to his door, for him to open it, for us to take off our shoes, and for Liam to dump all his things on the entrance hall table.
“I think I need to clarify something,” I start, speaking slowly so I’m sure of every word. “I’ve clearly never had sex with a man, or done anything sexual with a man. I’m not ready for either of those things. And I need to figure out how I would even go about it.”
I can recognize that I sound hysterical again by the time I’m done, and wonder briefly if this apartment building specifically brings out this overly expressive side of me.
It happened the day I met Liam and his family here for dinner too.
“I understand that,” he says, sounding so calm. It’s a bit irritating, but I know that’s a me problem. “I think that until things change, it’d be a good idea if we agree that you’re the one who’ll initiate any further intimacy in whatever form you choose. I... desire you,” he says after hesitating slightly. “And it’s been a long time since I’ve had sex with anyone, but I do want to have sex with you.”
“I—” I choke on air when my thoughts reach my consciousness, but eventually I get a hold of myself and decide to speak them out loud. “I want to have sex with you too,” I confess. “I’m just really not ready.”
“I respect that, so how does my suggestion sound? You canassume I want you at all times unless I’m in distress, and when and if you want to initiate something sexual, then you say so and then you do it.”
“That—” Sounds completely foreign to me, but... “I think that’s a great idea. Thank you,” I murmur and step right up to him, reaching for his waist with both hands and kissing him softly.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” he asks, between kisses.
“Given what we just agreed, I can deduce you’re not thinking about Netflix and chill, so I’m going to say yes. How aboutHow to Train your Dragon? The other day, when you said you love those movies, it reminded me of them and I’ve been meaning to watch them again.”
“I’d like that.” He nods twice and steps back. “I’d like to change into something more comfortable, though, is that okay? Do you want to change as well?”
I think about it seriously for a second, then nod.
“I would. If you could lend me a pair of pants and a shirt, I’d appreciate it.”
“I’ll be back in a minute. You grab whatever you want from the kitchen, and when I get back I’ll need you to explain what Netflix and chill is.”
He’s through the door to what I assume is his bedroom before I can let my laughter loose.
