Page 67 of Wants and Needs
That’s way too sentimental and emotional for my liking, so I’ve never told anyone but Dr. Becky about it, but it is the truth.
There were boys and girls ranging from three years to forty, and the level of severity was just as diverse.
With two advanced universities close by, that meant there were a lot of people in their twenties there as well.
Today, I’m sure that place saved my life after the breakup, not because I wanted to hurt myself physically, but because I was determined to isolate myself completely.
And that’s where I met the two men who are helping me bring ESoothe to relative life.
It’s also the place where I learned to be thankful for my brain.
I saw a six-year-old girl with very severe symptoms paint the most beautiful picture, and I found the beauty in our way of thinking. She pointed at the family card after she finished her masterpiece, and of course there weren’t any discernible shapes in the drawing, but it was so colorful and... happy.
She let us know—and her parents later that day—that’s how she felt about her family.
And that is how I normally feel every time I walk into the Manhattan location of CAMM—which Parker, William, and I all decided to keep visiting after they agreed to move here with me.
“What’s wrong?” William asks only seconds after I sit in the chair they saved for me.
Not that the cafe is full of people—none of us would be able to handle that—but they made a point of it anyway by putting both their laptop bags on it.
His brown curly hair is as unkempt as always, his black-framed glasses are askew and have a little smudge on the top left corner, and he’s wearing his signature uniform—sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I have no idea how he can stand the heat in that outfit, but I also know it’s none of my business so I’ve never asked.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I tell them, hoping they believe me so we can talk about what’s important.
“Your shoulders are low and your mouth is downturned,” Parker points out. He’s as well put-together as always, wearing tan dress pants that complement the white linen button down well. His blond hair is the same short, almost military-style cut as always, since he clips it every day, and his cheeks are clean-shaven.
Like me, they’ve memorized physical cues and how they relate to emotions, so in theory I could just explain I had a hard time sleeping last night—which I did—but I don’t have the energy, I realize.
“I talked to a possible investor last night and they haven’t gotten back to me. Also, after that talk, I think I ruined the only friendship I’ve managed to start to build in years.”
When they don’t say anything to that, I look up for a fraction of a second and see William frowning and Parker with his emotionless expression.
“We’re your friends,” William says after another moment, and if I’m not mistaken, he sounds angry.
“I’m your employer,” I counter.
“We were close before you hired us,” Parker points out, still not giving me any clues to how he’s feeling. “I think this hurts my feelings,” he says after a moment, and though it’s helpful, it’s also just another blow.
“I think so too,” William adds.
Jesus, I can’t stop fucking things up left and right, can I?
“I apologize. I wasn’t?—”
“We’ve never said it out loud,” William interrupts me, andit’s clear he’s in his head. “I have thought it a time or two, that we’re your friends, but we haven’t said it, so this is not all your fault.”
“I agree,” Parker says with a decisive nod. “You don’t have to apologize, but from now on you should know we are your friends.”
For a moment, I can’t say anything. They’re staring over my shoulder or at my forehead, which gives me a chance to stare all I want without feeling the need to look away.
I regain my ability to speak, but I still don’t know what to say... except...“If you don’t know what to say, then say something nice.”I hear Dad’s voice in my head.
What Mom said right after flits into my head automatically and makes me smile.“But only if they’re nice to you. If they’re not, then you tell them you think their existence is a flaw in the universe and move along.”
That part doesn’t apply here, but it’s been more than helpful over the years—except when I saw Dirk again for the first time in years and froze, of course.
Right now, though, I can think of plenty of nice things to say to Parker and William.
