Page 32 of Win You Over
I nod. “It’s hard to explain, but it’s like my heart and body just know he’s safe. Like I knew you were all those years ago.” It’s a dangerous statement to make about Remington, because I feltsafe with Lucas too. I was naïve and weak then. I am neither of those now.
Theo laughs. “Where is the Holden Booker who thought the guy was a smug jerk? This is some strange case of the body snatchers.”
My own lips stretch into a grin to match his. “He really is a smug jerk… sometimes. It’s annoyingly endearing.”
The room falls silent, both of us lost in our own thoughts before Theo asks. “Why mostly?”
“Huh?” I reply, my eyes scrunched in confusion.
“You said earlier that youmostlyknow yourself. Why mostly?”
My cheeks burn and I flop back on the bed, looking up at the cracks in our ceiling. Theo does the same, then turns to face me. When I slide onto my side so we’re face to face, I’m warmed by the thought of how much I love this man. My best friend. The brother I always wanted.
“Because I’ve always thought I’m straight. Not that I’ve given it loads of thought, but now. Um…”
My pulse races and a tightening starts in my throat as I think of how best to explain it to Theo. To explain how confused Remington has me feeling. How sometimes I catch myself staring at him and wondering what it would be like to press my lips to his skin, or feel his hands in my hair. My thinking sets off a flurry in my stomach and I close my eyes briefly before opening them and looking my best friend straight on.
“I...uh...um...God why is this so hard?”
Theo stares at me and I try again.
“I like him.” I rush the words out, imploring Theo with my eyes to understand.
“Like him...”
“Likehim.” I emphasise the word, hoping it’s enough this time. For someone who studies the English language, I’m not good at using it to open up.
“Romantically?” he asks.
Fire burns from my cheeks to my ears and I’m sure by now I am sporting a blush bright enough to rival the sun.
“I think so?” My words feel heavy like stones and my heart pounds something fierce.
“Are you asking me?” Theo jokes. I can tell he’s trying to remain serious with the way his bottom lip twitches before he pulls it between his teeth.
I punch his shoulder playfully. Frustration getting the best of me when I try to speak again. Sometimes when the topic overwhelms me, my voice shuts down. If it’s not the environment, or the people, it’s the topic. There is always fucking something.
Theo pulls his phone from his pocket and hands it to me.
He makes me feel something...I don’t know how to explain it. I’m interested in everything he says and does, and I want him to keep talking and trying to make me laugh. I have fun with him. And he makes me feel…”
“Horny? Aroused?” Theo asks.
I shake my head.
It’s more than that. It’s like a warmth in my organs. Saying he gives me butterflies sounds like such a schoolboy thing to say, but that’s the best way I can explain it.
“Fucking hell, I did not expect to havethisconversation so early on a Saturday morning,” Theo snorts. “So you think you’re gay? Or bi?”
I shrug.
Maybe one of those. Or something else. I don’t know. All I know is that I find myself thinking of Remington in ways that go beyond friendship. For the record, I do not think of you in those same ways.
“Well, thank fuck for that!” He rolls onto his stomach but keeps his face turned towards me.
“It doesn’t matter,” I manage to say, quietly. “He doesn’t like me as more than a friend.”
“You’re sure of that?”
