Page 39 of Knot Your Karma
“Oh, honey,” she says, shaking her head, “this is advanced-level wine desperation. What did you use, a power drill?”
“Screwdriver and pliers. I was being resourceful.”
“Of course you were.” She moves to the counter beside me, close enough that her warmth steadies some of my shaking. Opening cabinets with familiarity, she pulls out fine-mesh strainer and clean dish towel. “We can save this. But first, I need dry clothes, and the full story about these three men who have scrambled your brain so thoroughly that you forgot how wine bottles work.”
Twenty minutes later, we’re settled in my living room with successfully rescued wine—Destiny worked kitchen magic to strain out cork debris—and the storm has settled into steady rain against windows. Overhead lights stay off, just warm lamp glow creating what should be a cozy cocoon, but guilt sits heavy between my ribs like a stone I can’t dislodge.
“Okay,” Destiny says, settling beside me on the couch—close enough to provide comfort, but angled so she can watch my face. “Talk to me. And I want the truth, not the version where you make yourself feel better.”
“I’m a terrible person,” I blurt out, words tumbling over each other like they’ve been trapped behind a dam that finally burst. “I’m the worst kind of person. I’m letting three genuinely good men fall for me while lying to their faces every single day about the thing that matters most to them.”
“Go on.”
“Go on? That’s it! That’s the problem!” Wine makes me brave enough to voice what’s been eating at me like acid in my chest. “Declan kissed me yesterday. Reed cleaned with me. Cleaned! Adrian made me coffee and fixed my lock and looked at me like I was something precious. And the entire time, I’m lying to them.”
Destiny doesn’t rush to comfort me like she usually does. She just watches, waiting, her expression serious but still warm.
“They trust me, Destiny. They asked me to help them find their family’s compass, and I said yes knowing I’m the reason it’s missing. They’re planning their whole strategy around my expertise while I sit there pretending I don’t know exactly where it is and how it got there.”
“And?”
“And?” I stare at her, wine glass suspended halfway to my mouth. “What do you meanand? Isn’t that enough? I’m using them! I’m taking their comfort and their care and their trust while actively deceiving them!”
“Now you’re getting somewhere.” Destiny’s voice stays calm but there’s steel underneath, loving but uncompromising. “Keep going.”
“I don’t want to keep going. I want you to tell me it’s going to be okay and that they’ll understand and that everything will work out.” My eyes burn with unshed tears.
“But that’s not what you need to hear, is it?” Destiny shiftscloser, one hand resting on the couch back near my shoulder—not quite touching, but offering comfort when I’m ready. “You need to hear that you’re still letting Blake control your life.”
The words hit like cold water, stealing my breath and making my chest seize. “What?”
“Blake convinced you that you were lucky anyone wanted you, right? Made you think your needs were too much, your feelings unreasonable.” Destiny’s voice loses some of its usual warmth but keeps its love. “Well, congratulations, Mija. You’re still living like that’s true.”
“I’m not?—”
“You are. You’re so busy preparing for them to leave that you’re doing their job for them.” Her hand moves to my shoulder, steady and warm. “Blake broke you so well you don’t even need him anymore to destroy your own happiness.”
My throat closes like someone’s squeezing it. “That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is what you’re doing to them.” Destiny’s grip on my shoulder tightens slightly, anchoring rather than restraining. “Declan called you a partner, Karma. Reed told you about his feelings. Adrian cooked for you. And you’re letting them do it while hiding the most fundamental truth about why they’re even in your life.”
“I was going to tell them?—”
“When? When were you going to tell them? Because from where I’m sitting, you keep finding reasons to put it off.” Her dark eyes burn with protective frustration usually aimed at defending me, now aimed at saving me from myself.
“And how many times have you had the opportunity to tell them the truth?”
I don’t answer because we both know it’s dozens.
“You know what this really is?” Destiny continues, each word weighted with painful love. “This is fear. You’re moreafraid of losing them than you are of hurting them. You’d rather keep them in the dark and enjoy their attention than give them the choice to decide for themselves.”
“That’s not true.” But my voice wavers because I know it is.
“Isn’t it? You’re taking away their agency, Karma. You’re deciding what they can and can’t handle instead of trusting them to make their own choices.” She moves closer, her other hand finding my free one, warm fingers intertwining with mine. “That’s what Blake did to you. Made decisions about what you could handle, what you deserved, what was good for you.”
The comparison makes me flinch like she’s struck me. “I’m nothing like Blake.”
“You’re acting like him right now. Blake lied to you for months about seeing other women because he decided you couldn’t handle the truth. What are you doing?”
