Page 130 of Wild Catch
I just see love. I see you.
I don’t know what version of myself is there next to you. I doubt it’s the current me, the Logan Kim that is still broken and afraid. That’s not who I want you to be with, you deserve so much more—and not because I’m putting you on a pedestal. If I work on myself, if I get better, then maybe I could have a right to be with you. But you seem to want me as I am, and I also can’t deny you anything you want. That I definitely don’t have a right for, as you’ve taught me time and again.
Remember when I told you that you call the shots? I’m used to being the one who makes the calls, but not this time. You decide where you want to take us yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So if you still want me—if you can give me another opportunity, even after I made such an error that I should be sent back to the pee wees—then write me back. Please.
I’ll be the one waiting for you now.
Love,
Logan
An ugly sob tears from my throat. I try to stuff it with my hands against my mouth, but it’s too late. I’m pretty sure everyone in the office heard it, going by how quiet it is all of a sudden.
“What is it? Is it something bad?” Hope asks.
“Give that to me.” Audrey extends her hand out and since I’m a goner, Hope passes the letter along. The blonde is a lot faster taking in the words than I was, and the worry eases off her face. “Oh.”
“Gimme.” Hope opens and closes her hand until Audrey passes along the letter. The process repeats again and Hope lifts his eyes to mine when she’s done. “Are you going to respond?”
The lump in my throat doesn’t let me speak, and I nod frantically.
“Okay, paper.” Hope looks around my cubicle, spotting the million purple pens on the mug, along with my assorted junk. But no paper. “Shit, why did he have to do this in such an old fashioned way? Doesn’t he know we live on the digital era now?”
“I’ll get some paper from the copier,” Audrey says and slides through the small threshold out of the cubicle.
Hope folds her arms, smiling from ear to ear. “What are you going to reply?”
“I don’t know.” My chin trembles. “But I really need some tissues.”
“On it.” As she leaves for that new errand, Audrey returns with a whole stack of paper.
“Where did Hope go?” she asks.
“Tissues.”
“Ah, yes.” After a pause she also asks, “What are you going to write?”
I sniffle through a smile. “Words.”
“Hmph.”
Chuckling, I reach for my favorite pen and take the top sheet on the stack. I hunch over as I write my response, not letting them see. When I’m done, I fold it over until it’s a small square and I tuck it in the back of my jean pocket.
“Wait, we wanted to see.” Audrey’s expression turns grumpy.
I bite my lips. “I want him to be the first to see it. I’ll tell you later, okay?”
“Fine.”
“So you’ll deliver it yourself?” Hope asks as she hands over a wad of tissues from the restroom.
“Yes, where is he? Home? I need to get an Uber, I need to—” I blow my nose into a tissue and use two more to dry my face. Maybe I should stop to wash it, but I don’t want to waste a single second. “Where is he?”
Hope answers, “He’s here, he?—”
“But he’s hurt! He’s supposed to be resting,” I whisper-yell.
“Don’t worry, he just came by to the clinic.” Hope steps out of the cubicle, pulling at Audrey to clear the way for me.
