Page 93 of Shutout
After getting dressed, I drag my ass out of the locker room, my head still spinning around. I need to talk with someone, think about this aloud. Maybe I should hash this out with Dane and Jamie. That’s what friends are for, right? But they’re working up to the same goal of going pro, and I think that wouldn’t make them objective enough.
“—Review the tape?” A familiar voice drifts closer, and I lift my head to find Coach Young and Assistant Coach McDonald walking into the facilities. I must’ve taken so long getting showered and dressed that the Strikes have already returned from their away game. We make eye contact and the two women tip their heads in acknowledgment before returning to their conversation.
I clear my throat and on impulse, I ask, “Coach Young, can I speak with you?”
The two women freeze.
I hoist the strap of my bag higher on my shoulder, waiting. This is abnormal. I’ve had to exchange words with Elaine Young maybe twice this entire semester, and one was to apologizewhen I almost ran into her in the hallway. But that makes her the perfect person for this. She knows squat about me and is fully objective. Plus, from what I hear she’s more level headed than my coach.
“Uhh, sure. But don’t you have your own coach?”
I clear my throat. “I… I need a woman’s perspective.”
Now that causes the two women to exchange amused looks, and her assistant coach ducks her face—probably thinking that I can’t see the smile on her face. But I can. Because I’m sky-scraper tall compared to her.
“Never mind.” I sigh. Moments like this is when I wish I had a mother I could talk to.
“No, no. It’s all right. Follow me to my office.”
Coach Young motions with her hand and I walk behind her past the Bolts and Strikes locker rooms, the storage room, the gym, and down to the corridor that leads to the staff offices. There, for the first time, I veer right toward the Strikes’ staff offices, instead of left to the Bolts’. Sections are divided by clear glass panels, and if anyone sees me walking into Coach Young’s office they’ll have questions.
But I need help, so I take the seat across her desk and wait until she settles in her chair. “What can I do for you, Mr. Tatum?”
“Please, just Brooklyn. I don’t want to sound like my dad.” I mumble as I fiddle with the zipper tab of my hoodie. “Well, Coach Green just told me I’m getting called to the pros.”
Her dark eyebrows rise. “Wow, congratulations. But why don’t you look anywhere near as excited as you should?”
“Because there’s this girl.”
“Ah.” She leans back and her chair squeaks. “That’s definitely not something you could talk about with your coach.”
“Right. He’d probably break a stick on my head if I tried.”
“That would get him fired, but he’d probably blow your eardrums out until he loses his voice.”
I wince. “Yeah, so. The issue is that this girl… she’s everything. We’ve been friends since we were literally five years old. And I’ve been gearing up to ask her out at the benefit.”
“Hmm.” She presses her lips.
“And now I probably shouldn’t. But I still want to. Except I can’t say no to this offer, and like—I can’t take her with me. She still has three semesters to go.” I take a deep breath and slouch forward. “What do I do?”
“Talk to her?”
We stare at each other in silence. My eyes narrow until one starts to twitch. “Sorry, what?”
“Talk to her.” She shrugs. “You can’t pretend like nothing’s happening. Your team will put out an announcement with the call-up and she may find out that way if you don’t say anything. That’d be much worse.”
I scratch my head. “But what if it goes wrong? What if I lose her?”
“Why would you lose someone who sounds like a lifelong friend of yours because you’re moving away?”
“I—well…”
I almost say because I lost her once, except I didn’t really. Liv and I found our way to each other, and eventually we picked right where we left off. Just like putting on a beloved pair of jeans you thought you’d lost.
The only thing that’s different this time is that I want her. But it’d be selfish to use that as a talking point to change her life and mold it to mine. Even if I chose to stay, if I tossed away my hockey career, I’d be using her as an excuse to alter the course of my life and Liv wouldn’t want that, either. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way for me, she’d never want me to give up.
So no matter what I do, I’m going to lose her. But I should face it head on, like Coach Young advises. It’s better to stay Liv’s friend forever, than to try to mess with that.
