Page 75 of Shutout
I lean my head back all the way and open my eyes. Her face is right above mine, and the last thing I want to do is talk about my father when her lips are right there. When I could be stroking her tongue upside down and exploring her mouth even deeper, Spider-Man style.
“No, last year was worse,” I respond in a quiet voice at last, my eyes glued to her lips and the tiny gap between them. “He didn’t even ask me a single question about myself. It was like I wasn’t there at all. A whole day of that.”
But Liv surprises me by resting her forehead against mine. “I’m sorry, Brooke.”
I blink hard. “What the hell for?”
“I…” She lets out a forceful breath. “If I hadn’t been so selfish, you wouldn’t have been alone last year.”
My chest twists. The pain is so strong, I almost think someone’s stabbing me with a sharpened hockey stick again.
“Liv, no.” I raise my hands to cradle her face, and she letsme lift it so I can look into her eyes again. “It’s not your fault that my father doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me.”
“But it’s not fair.” She whispers. One of her hands falls on my shoulder and I feel the touch like a brand through my clothes. “I just don’t understand why he’s like this. And worse even, your mom.”
I drop my arms slowly, bringing my face forward in time for the Sasuke and Itachi fight to start. Drumming my fingers against my thighs, I say, “I know why.”
“Why?” she asks sharply.
“Because I’m not lovable.” I shrug. “I know what love looks like. Your parents worry about you and your siblings to death. That’s love. Even the way Aran gives you shit all the time is love.” I point at the TV. “Just like those two clowns over there, fighting each other because they have no other way to express how much they care. But none of my parents feel any of that for me, and I’m the common denominator. So that’s why.”
For a moment, everything’s quiet except for the action on the screen.
But then my bed shakes, and suddenly Liv’s legs are beside me. And even more suddenly, she kicks me.Hard.
“Ow! What the hell?” I rub my ribs where she dug her toes.
“Who fed you that spoonful of horseshit?” Liv looks down at me, hands into claws as if she wanted to choke me. “What about your girlfriends? Or your fans?”
“What? What about them?” I frown, confused as hell.
“Don’t they love you?”
“No.” I run a hand through my hair, wishing it was her fingers doing it instead. “They don’t even know me—the real me.”
“Yeah, because you keep all your relationships shallow on purpose. That’s why even though you have—what were their names—James and Daniel?”
“Jamie and Dane.” I’m going to keep to myself how pleased I am that she didn’t remember their names.
“Them.” Her face pinches with grumpiness. “That’s why even though you have them, I bet they have no idea about what your relationship with your parents is. Or that you’re a huge nerd under that hockey uniform. Or that you have a huge man-crush on Max and Aran. Or that you’re legit so sweet it gives me cavities. I mean—” She throws her hands in the air. “If any of the girls you’ve dated even knew this, they’d have never let you go.”
I blink up at her. “A man-crush?”
“That’s not the most important take from my speech.”
I press my lips to hold back the sudden bubble of a laugh. “Then what is it?”
“You’re damn lovable, Brooklyn Tatum.” Liv folds her arms tight. “Anyone would be a fool not to see that.”
My throat works with a hard swallow. Especially because I really want to know whatshethinks, personally. Like if she could come to love me the way I love her.
And even though it feels too soon for that conversation, I’m also not a coward so I ask, “Are you a fool, then?”
Liv’s eyes widen. Her lips part, just as her cheeks start to redden. Clearing her throat, she answers, “Of—Of course not. I’m a smart girl. I know a golden retriever when I see one.” She leans down and rubs her hand on my hair like I’m a real puppy.
What?
Does that mean she loves me or not?
