Page 2 of Hot Four Teacher
“True. But you watch so much that it has infiltrated your dreams.” She doesn’t give me a chance to argue before adding, “Then, you tried gardening. You bought those questionable seeds from that guy who hangs out by the park.”
“They were cheap,” I say. “I was trying to grow us an herb garden.”
“Oh, you did. You grew weed.”
“Look, in hindsight, that wasn’t my proudest moment, but maybe I could’ve turned into that mom from Weeds if you would’ve let me keep it.”
“Mom, there is no way you could ever be that cool. You would have done something dumb like tried to sell to a cop.”
“Ouch,” I mumble, but I know she has a point.
“Then, you tried Zumba and threw out your back. And don’t even get me started on your jewelry making. We are still finding beads everywhere that beadsdon’tbelong.”
“Eve, get to the point.”
“You’re going to end up hurting yourself…or just plain going crazy…if you keep doing all of this.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine,” I protest.
“Mom, you tried pickling.”
“So?”
“You hate pickles and refuse to eat them!”
“Butyoulike pickles.”
She sighs. “Mom, I hate to tell you this, but those things you made in no way resembled pickles. Why are you doing all of this? Why the sudden interest in trying new things?”
“I’m just trying to branch out,” I tell her.
“Why don’t you just go back to playing video games? That’s your favorite thing in the world to do.”
She knows me so well. My perfect day is sitting around, watching TV, and playing a cozy farming game on my Nintendo Switch. But I’m rapidly approaching thirty-five, and I figured maybe it was time to get some moreadulthobbies. Unfortunately for me, it’s not going very well.
But I’m nothing if not determined.
Deciding that I’ve had enough of this subject, I opt to change it.
“Are you excited to go camping with Jill this weekend?” I ask.
“Yeah, it should be interesting.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Jill and Chaz are fighting.”
Looking up from my knitting, I ask, “That’s Jill’s boyfriend, right?”
She nods before regaling me a tale of a tragic love story between two teenagers who argue over jealousy and then analyze cryptic social media posts. While I listen, I thank the lord that I’m not still in high school.
I also thank that same lord that Eve hasn’t fully entered the dating world yet. She’s had crushes but nothing serious…and nothing that ever turned into a real relationship. I don’t know if I’m ready to hear her talk about her own dating life just yet.
She finally finishes by saying, “I hope we have no cell service this weekend, so she won’t be texting him the whole time.”
“I’m sure once you guys get out on the lake, she’ll be too preoccupied to think about him.”
“Man, I hope so. Otherwise, it’s going to be averylong weekend.” She pauses for a moment. “So, what kind of hobbies are you going to get into while I’m gone? Taxidermy?”
