Page 114 of Hot Four Teacher
I’ve always had a policy of honesty when it comes to Eve. That's what makes our relationship so special, but I am unsure of what to do when the truth would cut her so deeply.
I chew on my bite of bagel until it’s down to practically nothing, trying to buy myself some time.
“Mom?” Eve prompts.
I decide to open my mouth and just see what comes out. Usually, if I start rambling, I eventually make it to my destination.
“Your father is an idiot.” That’s all I manage to get out before I just stop. While I think the sentiment is a good idea of how I feel, I should probably say more.
Eve says, “Well, I already knew that.”
I take a deep breath. “Eve, you and I have talked before about how I don’t think your dad was ready to be a father when you came around. I think the idea of having to be responsible scared him.”
It suddenly occurs to me that I’m still defending him.
“You know what?” I begin. “Forget everything I just said. Being a parent is hard. It tests you in ways you never thought possible, but it is also extremely rewarding. I stepped up to the plate, and he should have too. But he didn’t want to give up his life or his freedom. Because of that, he missed out on some of the best parts of life. Even now, he doesn’t want to put in the work to repair his relationship with you. He’d rather start over because it’s easier and more exciting."
She mulls over my words, and for once, I have no idea what she’s thinking.
I ask, “How are you feeling about the whole thing?”
She leans back in her chair. “I’ve never really felt like Dad was my father. He’s always just been more like a fun uncle who pops in every once in a while.”
“Yeah, I can understand that.”
“And I feel like he only ever reached out because he thought he had to. I thought this week, he wanted to spend time with me because he wanted us to be closer. Maybe he wanted things to be different, but it turns out he just wanted to introduce me to his new family…probably because he thought he had to.”
“I’m so sorry, sweets. I wish I could just make it all go away.”
“Me too.”
“So, what do you want to do?” I ask.
She thinks for another moment.
“I want to stop feeling like I am only a second choice to him. I know he’s my dad, and I should love him, but I can’t keep doing this. He can have his new family. I don’t need him for anything. I’ve got you and our whole family. I’ll be fine.”
Part of me is relieved to hear her say that. If she chooses to stay away from him on her own, I never have to tell her the horrible things her dad said. But I also want her to be sure that this is what she wants. If it wasn’t, I would go over to Danny’s and try to change his mind.
I’d swallow my pride and do it because it would make her happy. That’s what a good parent does.
“Are you sure?” I ask Eve. “Cutting your dad out is a pretty big step.”
“Not really. It’s not like I see or talk to him all that often. I don’t think my life without him will be all that different.” She takes a deep breath. “I just know that I’m tired of feeling like this. I tend to feel better when he’s not around. Why not make that permanent?”
She says the words like they’re no big deal. My daughter has always been wise beyond her years, but I don’t think we’ve dealt with this issue for the last time.
I can tell she’s done talking about it right now, though, when she asks, “So, what do you want to do today?”
“Well," I begin while walking over to the counter to grab the giant bag of clothes. “While I was on my field trip last night, your dad’s new wife made sure I gave these to you.”
“I guess that was nice of her.”
“Yeah, she seemed alright. It’s a shame she settled for Danny.”
She eyes the bag. “I’m not sure I really want to keep the clothes, though. I don’t want anything that reminds me of him.”
“I thought you might say that. Much to our luck, all of the receipts are in the bag. How about we return it for store credit and go shopping?”
