Page 159 of Tangled Hearts
I knew you loved your mama, no matter how bad she was to you. So I made sure she had a proper burial. There’s a plot with a clean headstone. The address is in this envelope. I did that because I couldn’t fix the pain she left you with, but I could at least give you a place to sit with her when you need to.
After that night, I begged Leno to come get you. To claim you. He refused. He said he’d make sure the system didn’t swallow you up, but he wasn’t bringing you under his roof. And I let that slide.
I hate myself for that.
You been carrying the weight of men twice your age since you was a boy. I saw it. I envied it. You got something in you that me and Leno never had… you got hope. That’s why I’m telling you right here, don’t move no more drugs. There won’t be any more drops after this. Use your mind, not the block. Save that community instead of ruining it. You don’t know how many real niggas died wishing they had your shot to make something better. You can do it.
You got a sister too. Her name is Solar. She older than both of us. She got a grown child by now. Leno didn’t raise her either. She’s in the papers in this envelope. She deserves to know you, even if she never wanted to know him.
Last thing I’ll say… I wish I was brave enough to love you out loud while I was still here. You gave me some of the best days of my life, even if you didn’t know it. I didn’t know how to show it. You always deserved more.
Don’t hate me too long. Just know I loved you, little brother.
Christian
By the time he reached the end, Hov couldn’t breathe. He pressed the letter to his chest, rocking slightly in the chair.
Noir leaned over, whispering, “I’m sorry. I knew but didn’t tell you. Christian begged me not to tell you, said he was gon’ do it.”
Hov broke. His cry ripped from his throat, raw and unfiltered. The attorney lowered his head, giving them space. Noir rubbed his back, whispering apologies she couldn’t stop repeating.
Hov stood abruptly, stumbling out into the hallway with the envelope clutched tight. His chest heaved, sweat beading at his temple.
“Hov,” Noir tried to hug him.
He snatched away. “Get the fuck off me, Noir. Like dead—” He fell into the wall, his feet didn’t even want to work right. He felt so many emotions at one time. It was like God had to break him one last time, just to put him back together all the way. Hov’s soul was tired, battered, bruised. His war wounds were too much for anyone to carry about. Nothing about them felt like a badge of honor. And to make matters worse, no one would ever say, “thank you for your service.”
Noir cried, “I’m so sorry, Hov… Just...”
“For real, Noir, don’t touch me. Like I love you too much to put my hands on you, but I really want to put my hands on you.”
She cried so hard. Had she known Christian’s secret would have Hov mad at her, she would’ve yelled that shit from the mountain top.
Hov just glared at her. His brown eyes, the same as Christian’s broke her even more.
With all his strength, Hov pushed the doors open. The sun fell across his face, and he sucked in air like it might ground him. Something told him he should’ve brought Knycole with him buthe didn’t think it was anything she would be needed for. Now, he needed her… needed his…
“Don’t tell me you be crying all the time now?” Rock leaned on the passenger side of Hov’s truck with somber eyes.
Hov choked, grabbing Rock into his arms, wailing like a baby.
Rock squeezed him with no hesitation. “I got you, bro… always and forever. Four flats, remember.” His own eyes blurred with tears.
Hov held him tighter, his words cracking through his sobs. “I can’t do this shit without you.”
“You ain’t got to,” Rock assured. “We in this together. Don’t matter what it is, you got me and I got you.”
They just stood there in the open, two men who had survived too much, leaning into the only truth they could count on—love that never folded, never switched.
Noir just watched with tears running down her face. Cash started to get out but she shook her head no. She knew she couldn’t live with Hov hating her, but she also knew now wasn’t the time to get him to understand.
CHAPTER 37
Knycole sat in the advisor’s office with her legs crossed at the ankle. Her feet wiggled with a nervous cadence. The woman on the other side of the desk had on thick glasses, a cardigan, and that look like she’d heard every major-switch story under the sun.
