Page 67 of Tangled Hearts
Knycole laid still with her eyes closed tightly. Was she alright? That was the question she had to ask herself before answering. “Yea, I’m good. What about you? I know you’re dealing with a lot too.”
“Girl, I’m good. You know I’m hurt about the baby, but I can’t say I didn’t expect it. Christian wanted a kid and I just wasn’t ready. Plus, you know I didn’t have many expectations for us when I first met him,” she snickered a little.
“Stop lying, hoe. You was caught up when his cute self ran down on you at that party,” Knycole reminded her.
The walk down memory lane had Knycole thinking about Hov because it was at that time they started to navigate the world differently. When her world officially became his and vice versa. Knycole’s eyes swelled with sorrowful tears. It had been three weeks and he hadn’t said a word to her. They were essentially coparenting through Nick.
“I mean you know I’m hurt and shit but besides that, I’m okay. Knycole I ain’t like you. I don’t go into shit seeing the goodor needing someone,” Noir responded knowing her sensitive friend was going to take her words the wrong way.
Knycole sat up in bed. “The fuck that mean?”
“First off, calm down killa. Secondly, I didn’t say it to be offensive. You’re a relationship girl and that’s cool, but me, I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christian even though I didn’t go into it searching for his heart but you, you’ve been deprived of love for most of your life. You will need it from someone else until you decide to find it within yourself first. And trust, I ain’t judging because I get it. It’s the reason I make sure to love on you so much. Knyc, you need it.”
Although she knew her friend’s words were coming from a genuine place, it still didn’t make the reality feel any better. But truthfully, she was right and Knycole knew it.
“I do love myself,” she rebutted.
“Okay,” was all Noir decided to say because she knew the conversation would go all the way left if she broke it all down for her further. Knycole was the type of person you had to give reality checks in small doses. Although tough on the exterior, inside she was mush.
“For real though, if you were me what would you do?” Knycole asked needing a little advice.
“Shiiid, if I was you, I would’ve been content with Hov. If a man loved me half as much as he loves you, I’d never forsake that shit.”
“Christian does love you though Noir.”
“True but not like Hov loves you. But since you decided to hoe yourself out,” Noir laughed, “I would date both of them. The friendship is already dissolved so I would have my cake and eat it too.”
Knycole pondered over what her friend said. “That don’t feel right.”
“So now you have a conscious? Bitch please. Or you can let both of them go and move on with your life, really the choice is up to you.” Noir shrugged, reading through a message she got from Cash.
Let them go?Knycole thought. That was the same as choosing one over the other which she’d clearly done for the second time—both times a different man. “You’re right. I’m just going to move on.”
“Then it’s settled. Let me call Cash back before daddy Christian shows up wanting to act like he don’t have a whole baby out here.”
“Wait!” Knycole screamed through the phone. “How you gonna tell me to choose when your ass is playing both sides of the fence too?”
Noir snickered. “Because my nigga made a baby on me, so I have every right to cheat back… or leave him.” She shrugged.
“Bye crazy,” Knycole laughed before hanging up the phone.
The truths had landed. And now all that was left was the weight of it all sitting in her chest like a name she couldn’t say out loud.
She loved both of them. She needed neither.
She wanted peace. She didn’t know how to choose it.
Noir had told the truth, even if it stung.
And maybe that’s what real love looked like sometimes—friends who checked your heart when it got too heavy, who reminded you to stop confusing survival with healing.
Noir stood up, reaching her arms into the air. She hadn’t been sleeping well and her body was paying for it. Still, she was making it her business to spend more and more time with Cash. Like she’d already made clear, she wasn’t choosing either of them. For the time being, she was just vibing out.
Cash’s lifestyle was captivating and had her always wanting more and more. The biggest issue was the fans trying to pinthe two of them together through social media. She had to admit both of them had been caught slipping with the same background or something similar to link them. If Noir was being honest, she actually loved seeing her fans piece the puzzle together but every now and then she’d be reminded of Christian’s position in her life. Being a social media influencer, on more than one occasion she shared him with the world. So the world was thoroughly confused as to what was breaking down social media’scouple goals.
Unlike Knycole, Noir wasn’t conflicted. She was merely working through her heartbreak—in a weird way, but working through it nonetheless. Christian had done her wrong and for her, cheating back was the answer but she’d fucked up by doing it with someone who had always held a piece of her heart.
For her, Cash could do no wrong but was also too good for her. As kids he’d shoot his shot never caring about missing because his tenacity wouldn’t allow him to give up on her. Noir was for him and at a young age he knew it. Now in adulthood, he had to compete with another man and he wasn’t going to hold back.
