Page 150 of Tangled Hearts
“I know, baby,” Nakorea smoothed her wild hair. “I know.”
“He’s—” she choked, hiccupping a bitter taste of sulfur. “He’s gone, mama. My Christian is gone.”
Noir tried to get into her mama’s skin because she wanted to be anywhere but in the present. In a world where Christiandidn’t exist. Even if they weren’t together, she still wanted to know that one day he’d smile again. He had sneaky eyes but his smile lit up rooms. His eyes helped him get in her panties. And his lips… she wanted to look at the discoloration of them one last time. Smooth her thumb across them. At this point, she’d take a kiss. Anything.
“Come on, Noir, you gotta calm down.”
“How?” Noir finally pulled her eyes open just long enough to look around the room, then she wailed again. “How, mama?” Her chest bounced, grief filled tears running wild down her face that was so red, she looked like she had a fever.
Nakorea shook her daughter’s shoulders. “Noir, you gotta calm down or you’ll make yourself sick.” She grabbed the breakfast she’d brought in earlier. It was cold but she knew Noir needed to eat something. It had been three weeks since Christian’s funeral and she had yet to see her baby girl eat anything besides nibbling on a cracker here and there.
“I can’t eat,” Noir whispered through tears.
“You gon’ sip this water though,” Nakorea placed the plate down on the nightstand.
Noir shook her head, but her mama was already unscrewing the cap. She pressed the bottle to her daughter’s lips like she was six again. “Just a little. For me.”
Noir took two sips. The water went down like knives. “I can’t do this. Mama…”
Nakorea cupped her face, thumbs wiping tears. “Yes, you can. You’re alreadydoingit. Look at you. You’re up. You’re breathing. You’re crying, which means you’refeeling. That’s how we know we’re still alive.”
“I shoulda called him back.”
“Shoulda, woulda, coulda don’t do nothin’ for the dead, baby. But I know you loved him. And I know he knew that too.”
Noir broke down again, chest heaving as she clutched her mama’s wrist. “He ruined us.”
“Mmhm. And still managed to water your soil in the process. Ain’t that a bitch?” Nakorea rubbed slow circles into her shoulder. “You became a woman while loving that man. The kind who knows how to pick herself up without losing her softness.”
“I hate him for it.”
“You love him for it too.”
She nodded, shoulders trembling.
“Nothing about you was ever small,” Nakorea whispered, “and Christian was the first man to recognize that and not try to dim your light. He just ain’t have the tools to protect what he saw in you. And baby, that ain’t love’s fault.”
Noir laid back down, arms over her face. Her tears soaked the pillow like they had for the last twenty days.
The phone on the nightstand buzzed.
Nakorea picked it up. “It’s Cash.”
“Don’t answer.”
“I’m gon’ answer.” She slid her thumb across the screen. “Hey baby.”
On the other end, Cash’s voice came through. “How is my pretty girl?”
Noir could hear him and broke down again because she felt bad. She loved Cash…wantedto love him too but she was grieving over a man that broke her heart. He wasn’t the first to do it. Her daddy was. Yea, he sent monthly payments and dull lectures, but the man who created her didn’t show up for her like he should’ve.
“She woke up crying,” Nakorea said, walking into the hallway to give Noir a little space. “She ain’t been eating and threw up the little bit of water I gave her earlier. But she’s hanging on. She just needs time.”
“I wish I could be there,” Cash muttered his background muffled.
“I know you do. But you got work, and she told you she needed space. Honor that.”
“I don’t know how to help her.”
