Page 117 of Tangled Hearts
“It’s never the time with you,” Lorraine rolled her eyes. “You always judging me, always making me the villain. I just want to be a part of my kids’ lives.”
“You don’t get to choose that when it’s convenient,” Rock cut in. “Parenting ain’t seasonal. You don’t get to pop in with bags like that shit erases all the years you ain’t show up.”
Lorraine’s smile faltered. “I was in love, Rock. I thought?—”
“You always in love,” he fired back. His voice cracked under the weight of it. “You loved every man more than you loved us. Me. Rocky. You never once put us first.”
Rocky covered her ears. Mae Lou rubbed her back, glaring at her daughter. “Listen to him. This is what you left behind. He’s a broken little boy trying his hardest to show up as a man. Don’t bring him pain when you ain’t never healed the last one.”
Lorraine’s eyes watered, but she held her chin high. “I made mistakes?—”
“You broke me,” Rock barked. “You left me so hollow I ain’t know how to love nobody right. And now I got my own daughter, and I promise she’ll never feel that. I’ll be there every single day, showing her right and wrong even when I mess it up myself. I’d rather die trying than have her walking around with a hole so deep in her chest she can’t even stand to look in the mirror. I’d hate for her to question if she was ever enough for me to stay. That shit stops with me.”
The room went quiet except for Rodeisha whimpering against his chest and Rocky wiping tears down her cheeks. Shakeisha reached for him, whispering his name, but he shook his head.
Lorraine opened her mouth, but Mae Lou’s voice cut sharp. “You heard him. Leave.”
Rocky’s eyes watered. “Can y’all not?”
Rock shooed his sister off. “Nah, you can wish and pray Lorraine shows up for you but I’ll never put myself through that shit willingly. I ain’t have a choice as a child but now,” he sighed. “Hell nah.”
Lorraine grabbed her bags, her eyes darting to her son one last time. Rock refused to look at her. “I was young?—”
“We were younger!” Rock cut her off, pointing at Rocky. “She ain’t have a mama. I ain’t have shit. And now you think you can just walk in and it’s fixed?”
Rock’s hurt had him unwilling to understand anything she had to say.
Lorraine didn’t blame him, though. She knew the damage she’d done, but the truth was, she didn’t care enough to try and fix it. Fixing things meant facing everything she’d run from. It meant taking the blame instead of blaming the men she chased. She wasn’t built for that. Love, for her, was always about who could make her feel alive in the moment not about who she left behind.
She glanced at Rocky, tears streaking down her face, and for a split-second Lorraine felt something tug at her chest. Rocky still looked at her like she wanted a mama to show up. But that kind of love made Lorraine uncomfortable. She didn’t know how to hold it, didn’t know how to give it back without feeling trapped.
Rock though. He was stone. He wouldn’t piss on her if she was on fire, and deep down, she couldn’t even be mad about it. She had left him too many nights with an empty fridge and promises she never kept. That kind of hurt turned into hate, and she’d sown it herself.
She straightened her bags on her arms, chin lifted, heels clicking as she turned toward the door. The house smelled like family. Like everything she’d thrown away. And instead of fighting for it, Lorraine walked out, convincing herself she still had time to find another man to make her feel wanted.
Rock picked up his glass, throwing it across the room. It shattered jarring everyone.
“I know you mad but act like you got some damn sense,” Mae Lou fussed, already grabbing the broom and dustpan to clean up his mess.
Flopping back into his chair, he slumped over, head resting in his hands. “Why she ain’t want me? She should’ve aborted the fuckin’ mission if she was gon’ be a piss poor human beingcause I ain’t never wanted no perfect mama… I just wanted,” he choked on his words.
Shakeisha and Roddy climbed into his lap, wrapping their arms around him as his body shook.
He hugged them back, fully breaking down.
“I might didn’t have her but I’m so happy I had you,” Rocky spoke up, joining in on the family hug. “At least God gave me you, big brother.”
Rodeisha was out cold by the time Rock carried her into her room. He laid her down gently, pulling the blanket over her, then sat on the edge of the bed watching her tiny chest rise and fall. He brushed a curl from her forehead and kissed her temple.
“I got you, baby girl,” he whispered. “Ain’t nobody ever gon’ make you question that.”
He lingered, holding her little hand until it slipped from his grip in her sleep. When he finally stood, he found Shakeisha leaning against the doorway, arms crossed.
“You did good tonight,” she told him. “You’re a great father.”
Rock gave a small nod, rubbing his face. “Trying to be what I didn’t have.”
“That’s clear,” she acknowledged. “But Rock, you can’t let what she did to you be the reason you half-love everybody else. I get it. I do. But it can’t be your excuse forever.”
