Page 67 of Waiting for Acceptance
I’m hyper-aware of how insane I sound right now, but that doesn’t change the fact that I kind of want to go find him and punch him in the forehead.
“What the hell is your problem?”
“My problem is that now I can’t stop picturing you with him, Lauren, and I don’t fucking like it.” She stares up at me, those big blue eyes full of surprise. I’m not sure how. I don’t bother hiding the way she affects me. If she doesn’t realize all the ways that I want her, then she simply doesn’t want to.
“Fitz—”
“Let’s get out of here. I’d rather not have an audience while you finish yelling at me.” I grab the bags from her hand and walk a few paces, putting my coffee in the same hand as the bags so I can stop and reach behind me. Praying that her hand will fill mine. That she’ll give me some shred of hope that I didn’t just ruin this because I was fuckingjealousand pissed off at my parents. My chest is tight with anticipation until I feel her cold hand slide into mine and I feel the tension in my shoulders start to ease.
I will not fuck up like this again, but it’s time she knows exactly where I stand when it comes to her being mine.
CHAPTER 36
LAUREN
Neither Fitz nor myself have spoken since we left the airport. I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel because part of me says his behavior at the airport should have me running in the other direction, but the other part of me feels…wanted. I’d never say it out loud, because I fear it would sound even more pathetic than it does in my head, but seeing him kind of freak out over the idea of me with another man makes me think of Max, Tucker, Tank, and Sawyer. The four guys would have acted the exact same way, had someone been a little too friendly with any of their girls and they witnessed it.
I mean, he did tell me last night that he got jealous when I was talking to those guys at the mixer, and Ididtell him that for as long as we are in this agreement, I would be his. Maybe he felt like I was betraying that trust I asked him to put in me. I look over at Fitz, who is zoned in on the road as he drives in the direction of my house.
“My problem is that I can’t stop picturing you with him, Lauren, and I don’t fucking like it.”
He called me by my name. That has to mean something, right? I’ve beenTroubleorSweetheartfor as long as I’ve knownhim, unless he’s introducing me to someone, of course. For him to use my real name feels the same as when your parents use your middle name when you’re in trouble—it’s unsettling. Him shifting the car into park pulls me out of my own thoughts, but he doesn’t say a word as he gets out, opens my door, and grabs my bags from the back.
“Thanks,” I mumble. I go to grab them from him but he stops me.
“You know the rule, Trouble. You don’t touch your bags. I’ll take them up for you.”
Trouble.
He sets the bags inside the door, his feet never leaving the doormat and my heart sinks. Ginny runs over to us and I smile, picking her up and snuggling her.
“Ginny girl! I missed you!” Her purrs are insanely loud for five whole seconds before she jumps down, rubs against Fitz’s leg, and then runs back into the house. “She’s so low maintenance.” I laugh, seeing a smirk play at Fitz’s lips, but the humor doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“You want to come in?” I ask, leaning against the door to allow it to open further.
“Do youwantme to come in?” The defeat in his tone makes me even more sure.
“Yeah, I do.” He nods and walks inside, kicking his shoes off to the side, and I do the same. We make it to the island in an awkward silence before I finally get the courage to speak first.
“Fitz?”
“Yeah, Trouble?”
“Why didn’t you like the idea of me with someone else?” The pained frown on his face makes me backtrack. “I just mean… It was a long time ago, me being with Hugh, did you really think I would sleep with him when I’m supposed to be with you? After Itold you I wouldn’t do that.” He takes a deep breath and I have no idea what answer to expect from him.
“I didn’t, and don’t like it because I’ve been able to picture you with no one butmeever since I had you. Today, seeing you with him, put a new picture in my head. The possibility of you wanting to be with someone else, and it shattered the illusion I’ve been living in.”
“I don’t?—”
“You don’t remember that night, but I haven’t been able to forget it. For almost a year now, every time I see your eyes roll, all I remember is how it felt to be inside you. Every time I have to get myself off, I see you on your knees for me, begging for every drop of cum I had for you. Every time I see you play with your hair, all I can see is the way it fanned out on my pillow when I would sink inside you. You’re rooted in every single part of my mind. Having to act like that wasn’t the best fucking night of my life just to keep you from running for the hills has beentorture.” I can hardly breathe when his hand reaches for my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “You were anything butdecent, Trouble. I would have kept you in my bed forever had I not gotten called away before you woke up the next morning. Then when I finally saw you again, you didn’t remember me. All the while, I’ve not been able to think of anything but you. I wasn’t ready for the illusion to end if you decided you wanted to be with someone else. That’s why I snapped.”
I can’t breathe.
“I need some water,” I barely whisper, causing Fitz to fly into action. I stand motionless as he moves around the kitchen to get me a drink.
“Here.” He hands me the water and I practically chug the whole thing. I finally meet his eyes and feel as though my knees could give out at any moment.
“You… Do you—” Shit, why are words so hard right now.
