Page 131 of Waiting for Acceptance
He jumps up from his seat, rounding my desk. “Heartbreak? Why are you even here today? You should be a pint of ice cream and at least two showings ofThe Notebookinto grieving.”
He pulls me into an embrace and I feel myself letting my protective walls down, just barely. “I ate all the ice cream yesterday, and no toThe Notebook, they wind up happy at the end.”
“What can I do to be here for you today?” he offers, shaking himself into fix-it mode. My lip turns down, while I fight like hell not to let myself cry again.
“Can you just…hang with me? I don’t have showings today but everything around here makes me think of him.”
“Like the sex printer?” He points to the corner where my broken printer sits next to the brand-new one that I never had time to take out of the box.
My voice cracks as I look at it. “That was such a good day.”
“Bitch, I bet it was. Look at this paper tray.” Luther flicks it and it falls completely off, hitting the ground with aclink. I can’t help but laugh when it does, and as weird as it feels to do so, it also reminds me that I stillcan. “Okay. Sex printer is out of here. Then I’m going to make sure nothing with the F word on it comes through that door, then we’re going to play some music and…” He looks around the room trying to get an idea. “Plan your birthday party?”
“I don’t think I’m supposed to plan my own party, am I?” His head whips in my direction and he purses his lips.
“As if that’s ever stopped you before.”
Luther and I spent the day listening to every playlist he had with the least amount of sad songs on it, to keep me from crying, while we planned the outfits we’ll wear for my birthday party, instead of the party itself. Then got lunch at Spurs Diner. It was exactly what I needed to distract me from my own thoughts today, but that’s all it was…a distraction. Not a cure for the heartbreak that awaits me when I’m alone. I walk into my house, tossing my stuff on the floor by the door, not bothering to hang anything where it goes, before calling Ginny over to lie on the couch with me. I barely make it onto the couch before my front door flies open. I jolt upright and gasp, my heart rate only slowing when I see Leah walking my way with a bottle of wine and takeout from Casa Taco. She moves around the kitchen, dropping everything on the counter before kicking off her shoes and making her way over to me all while she talks.
“Before you ask, yes I was stalking you to know exactly when you got home. I didn’t want you to be alone for too long, because being alone with a broken heart—” she flops down on the couch next to me with a huff, “is for people without best friends. And you, my dear, have too many of those to go through this alone.” She tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and I fight to stop the memory of Fitz doing that same thing so many times before.
“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve a friend like you.”
She hums playfully, tapping her lips. “I think you saidI like your hair, do you want one of my chicken tenders?”
I laugh in disbelief. “How on earth do you remember that? It was like three lifetimes ago.”
She smiles and shrugs, grabbing one of my hands. “I’d never forget how I met my bestie.”
“Meanwhile, I’m over here unable to think of a time there wasn’t a me without you.” She wraps her arms around me, and I do the same, relaxing a little more.
“Okay! You go get your comfy clothes on. I’ll plate our food and pour the wine, and then we can watch—” She raises a brow at me, waiting for my show request.
“Ginny & Georgia.”
She nods in agreement. “You got it.” She pulls me up from the couch and slaps my ass, making me laugh as I head towards my room to change.
We make it through a whole bottle of wine and two episodes ofGinny & Georgiabefore I realize I can’t find my phone. I wanted to take a photo of Ginny watching the show with us, but when I went to reach for it, it wasn’t there. We flip all of my couch cushions and dig through my purse twice before I find it still outside in my car. My stomach twists and my heart aches when I see new notifications from Fitz, only this time the missed calls are accompanied by one new voicemail. He hasn’t left one of those yet and I’ve had my texts from him muted to keep myself from giving into the temptation while he figured things out.
“Oh good! You found it.” Leah sighs as I walk back through the door. I look up at her, my face emotionless. “What’s the matter?” She walks over to where I’m still lingering in the doorway, looking down at the phone. I hover over the play button for his voicemail and she looks up at me.
“Are you going to listen to it?”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s important?” She takes my phone from me, swipes out of my voicemails, and clicks into my call log and texts.
She shoves the phone back into my hands. “Um. I’d listen to it.” My eyes lock with hers and she smiles at me encouragingly. I take a deep breath and click the play button just as Leah grabs my hand for support. She looks on with anticipation and tears fill my eyes as soon as I hear his voice. A few words in, I can tell he’s drunk. He doesn’t sound like himself at all.
“Trouble. Please answer your phone baby.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “I really need to see you. This blanket still smells like you, you know. You left your scent and everything, all over the damn place. You left your key on the counter and that hurt so fucking much. You’re not coming back to me, are you? How am I supposed to be okay when you’re not here? I need to see you. I have to— There’s just so much you need to know, but I… I just need to see you, Sweetheart. I love you. I’ll always love you, you know. Fucking bottle is empty.”
Something crashes right before the line goes dead and I immediately wish I knew if he was okay.
“What did he say?” I sniffle, blinking away the few unshed tears that have pooled in my eyes.
“Um. He said that he missed me. He kept saying he needed to see me, and that uh… That he still loves me.” My voice shakes as I speak.
“What are you going to do?” I run my hand through my hair anxiously.
“I don’t know, Le. What can I do? I left so he could figure out what he wanted without me being in the way and making him feel like he had a tough choice to make.”
