Page 83 of Falling Backwards
Then it disappears because this abruptly feels sharp and bittersweet.
Luke is referring to something way smaller and more trivial than how he broke my heart in high school, but it’s hard to keep the latter from coming to the forefront of my mind.
I have memories of him apologizing back then, over texts and in person when he could manage it before I escaped.I don’t remember him asking for forgiveness, though—maybe I blocked that out, or maybe he didn’t dare to request it.
Will he ever—?
But no.No, I don’t want to wonder that.Don’t want to think any more about what happened or anything to do with it.
Not right now, at least.
Like I decided a while ago, I’d like to maintain the kind of peace I’ve managed to find through him and end my eventful day as restfully as possible.
Hanging on to Mrs.Matthews’s advice will help.If Luke can show remorse for small wrongs, I can pardon them—like this and like when he said he was sorry for how he reacted over the Ronald write-up thing.Small wrongs are safe territory.
So I breathe deeply and follow his step off the curb.
ME:Okay.I think I can forgive you
Then I chortle to myself and add:
I mean, forgive “an idiot”
He sends a mind-blown emoji.
I laugh some more.
LUKE:You are on fire lately with the jokes
ME:I’ve tried
LUKE:Yeah, keep up the good work
I don’t know why, but I spend a minute doing nothing but looking at these messages.
When I start awake at the sound of a ding, I realize I dozed off while rereading.My phone reset to my lock screen, so now that I’m looking at the new message notification, I seeseveralminutes have passed between Luke’s last text and the one he’s just sent.
LUKE:Goodnight.I’ll see you tomorrow
Still don’t know why, but I spend longer than is necessary reading that.
Then, because I’m tired and I’m sure he is, too, I quit delaying my response.
ME:Okay.Goodnight
I set my phone aside, shift around for new comfort, and sigh into the darkness.
Really, this isn’t what I’d call a good night.
However, because of him, it also isn’t a bad one.
CHAPTER
SIX
L U K E
