Page 62 of Falling Backwards
Imagine how she would’ve reacted earlier if I’d followed my urge to ask if I could put my arm around her.
In the moments before that, I almost put it around herwithoutasking.Kyle thought he’d caught us in a lie?I was ready to give him a little something to quit perking up about.
But I didn’t want to startle her—or, worse, piss her off—so I just settled for moving closer and trying not to pick another dumb fight.
Her straw-chewing wasn’t actually too irritating to ignore.I just couldn’t keep my eyes from repeatedly drifting to her, and the wad of things I was feeling plus how she was gnawing on the straw proved to be too much for me.I’d never seen her do it before in all our visits to Merritt’s, so it seemed to be out of anxiety; it was easier to ask her to quit than to try to process what her mood was doing tomymood.
I open my mouth to apologize for that, too, but Joy’s raised voice floats over to us.
“Okay, bye!Thanks for everything, Paxton—and Luke!Oh, Luke, thank you so much for sitting by Maggie tonight.My friend feeling safe is the best present you could’ve given me!”
Upon looking that way, I see Emma stepping through their opened door.She lifts a wave-ish hand at me but cuts coy eyes at Paxton.
He backs away with a matching expression even as he cheerfully tells Joy, “No problem, birthday girl!I’ve had a great time.”
I can’t sayI’vehad a great time.I’ve had a bizarre time.Still, when Joy looks at me, I nod and echo Paxton with sincerity.“No problem.Happy birthday.”
She claps gleefully.“Goodnight, guys.Careful going home!”With a swish of gold fabric, she’s inside the apartment too.
Maggie moves to follow her.I watch her go and hear her thank Paxton, who bows and wishes her a relaxing night.
Then, shuffling through the doorway, she slips another look to me.
She still doesn’t say anything, and I still don’t mind.
Paxton is on his way back to the elevator by the time I hear the locks on the shut door securing the girls into their apartment.Only now do I turn and walk away too.
Once I’ve caught up to him, Paxton starts chattering about Emma, but I can’t focus on him.I cross one arm over my chest, pinch the bridge of my nose with my other fingers, listen to the words already in my mind: the ones I was thinking about Joy saying when Kyle saw me and Maggie bickering.
‘He literally perked up like he’d caught you in a lie.’
Again and again, I hear it.
Over and over, I replay how still Maggie went.
And more and more, I notice how weird I feel.
The tension that’s been with me isn’t going away even though the night has ended.It seems like the farther I get from Maggie, the deeper it digs in.
‘Like he’d caught you in a lie.’
Maggie and I may have reined in the attitude after Joy said that, but Kyle still stuck around and snuck looks at her.He didn’t go on his way forhours.
Was he being pathetic…or observant?
Was Maggie right during her babbling to me when she said we couldn’t look convincing enough to truly fend him off?
…ShouldI have asked to put my arm around her?Would he have left sooner if I—?
The elevator dings me out of my thoughts.The doors open on the lobby of the building.
“You okay?”I finally catch Paxton saying.
I blink a look to him; I zoned out of that whole ride.Thankfully, he doesn’t seem annoyed about it, but I still give him the best apologetic smile that I can.
Walking through the lobby reveals no unwelcome visitors.With a deep breath, I get ready to check the night outside, too, just in case.
Then, quite honestly, I tell my friend, “I don’t know.”
