Page 51 of Falling Backwards
But I’m nodding like it’s not a lie, like I’m not scared on the inside about last night and how much of my life he has noted, like I totally believe he’s a nice person who doesn’t know how to be smooth around the ladies and it’s understandable and I don’t feel threatened at all.
Trying not to let my voice shake, I drive home the fib.“I do have one, and we’re serious, so I’m not interested in anyone else.I should’ve mentioned it sooner.You’ll have to forget about me.”
Yes, whatever lighthearted thing he had going on before is gone now.In its place are the skepticism and sharp displeasure that are only heightening my discomfort.
And along with another girl walking towards the bathroom, I’m gone, too, my legs feeling like jelly.
Please don’t follow me.Please don’t.Please take a hint already and go away.
A glance over my shoulder tells me he isn’t walking after me, but he is still watching me.
I almost wish I hadn’t checked.
Thankfully, being in the bathroom doesn’t add to my fear; I’m not the only person occupying a stall.Once I’m done and my trembling hands are clean, I snag a different girl who is about to leave and ask her to locate my glowing friend Joy and discreetly tell her to come here so I can talk to her.
While I wait, I try to figure out what to say.What do I even want to do?I barely know what to think.My resolve to have fun no matter what has been shaken something fierce in a way I wasn’t expecting, and it’s hard to make sense of which moves are smart and which are stupid.Do I stay at the bar?Do I try to leave?Would Kyle follow me?
I can’t calm myself with hope that he has heeded my words and decided to give up on me.This nervousness seems to be bone-deep.
I’m pacing when Joy comes through the door with curiosity on her pretty face.
“Hey, my love,” she says.“You all right?”
Bless her for standing here and listening while I babble about what just happened, how I felt when Kyle showed up at my job both times, what I remember not liking about the Mellow Burger encounter, and even my first impression of him the last time we were all here at the bar.
And bless her for putting her hands on my shoulders and saying, “Ew,okay, we’ll leave.If he’s still out there, we’ll take this party somewhere else.This is not okay.Emma will agree.”
I know that last part is right.I specifically called for Joy, though, because Emma is confrontational and I have a feeling that’s not what this situation needs.
Unfortunately, that’sallI have a feeling about as far as responses go.
I pat her hands.“But that’s just it: I don’t know if leaving right now is what we should do.It’s not fair for him to have the power to make us pack up our party, but I really don’t like how he’s acting,butwhat if we do leave and we think he isn’t following us when really he is?He’s apparently good at watching me without me noticing.”My blood runs cold.“What if he ends up knowing where we live?”
Or what if he already does know?
Oh, Jesus.
I can’t—I can’t even think about that.
Suddenly feeling like crying, I whimper and press my hands to my cheeks.“What’s the right move?”
How is this even a problem?I wish this wasn’t a problem.
Joy sighs, then lets go of my shoulders and starts lightly twisting her hips back and forth in a distracted decision dance.Her arms swing and her dress swishes as she appears to think about it all.
“We could call the police,” she suggests.Then she tsks.“Except I don’t know if they would do much.He hasn’t outright tried to hurt you.”
“I don’t know if they would help either.I don’t know if it’s worth bothering them over, or if calling them might make him angry.All I know is I’m anxious.”
“And I don’t blame you, girl.The thought of it creeps me out so much too.”She shudders.“I can’t believe he eavesdropped on us that day.Looking back, it’s so much more gross than even when he introduced himself and said he overheard what your name is.That could’ve been a coincidence, you know?Him learning your name like that?But listening to our whole conversation and deciding to copy our plans….And then how did he know you were at work last night?How was he even there to find you in the parking lot?”
It all makes me shudder too.“Yeah.I don’t know anymore how many of these encounters have been coincidental.”
“Same.”
She looks at me for a few long, quiet moments before letting her eyes drift around us.
Then she stops dancing and perks up like a lightbulb has gone off in her head.
