Page 305 of Falling Backwards
“I know!It was a little bit of a tragedy!”
He slings an arm around my shoulders, then lifts his dangling hand to feed me the gummy worm he’s holding.“We’ve still never recreated it together, and we need to.”
I nod and chew the bite I’ve taken.“Yeah, without the sad part.”
“Mmhmm.Just us, the bath, and the eating of candy.”He sighs and withdraws his arm, then eats the rest of the gummy worm in his fingers.“Now, that’s romance.”
Andthatis fuel for more laughter.
Once we put the candy away and quench our thirst with the water bottle I also brought, we decide to stretch our legs.We wander along in the shade, stepping on as many rocks as we can on this nature-made path between the trees and the water, listening to a birdsong, getting excited about a lizard we see.
“This is so wonderful,” I say as we meet on a rock that’s wide and flat enough for us to comfortably stand facing each other.I set my purse down, then smile up at him.“I love you.”
He’d been looking at me with already-bright eyes, but they brighten even more now—and soften.
With a glance down, he takes my hands in his.Then his gaze is back on mine.
“I love you back,” he says.
So beautiful.
He takes a small step closer to me, draws a breath that I can hear a bit of a shake in…
…just like…
…I can feel in his hands?
Something about that softensme.Further softens these moments.
“Magnolia,” he murmurs, “I….”
In his pause, we look at each other with the breeze nudging our hair, the skirt of my dress, the barely loose fabric of his shirt.
And the longer the pause lasts, the more tension begins to grow.
The moresweetnessbegins to grow.
Yes, a sweet tension that is definitely trembling in his hands now.
In my ribcage, too, and in both of our inhalations because whatever has shifted in him is reaching into me—it’s pouring out of his gaze and weighing on the air, and I can’t help taking in every bit of it.
He has something important to say.It’s clear to me.
And even though I try not to hope for the certain important thing he could say on our anniversary with that look on his face, I….
He squeezes my hands.As I squeeze back, I note the faint color in his cheeks; his heartbeat must be fast.
Mycheeks are warming.Myheartbeat is becoming fast.
Calm down, girl,I try to tell myself.It may not bethatat all.
At last, he goes on talking.The tremble is beneath his words too.
“One night on the phone while we were pretending to date, you told me I’d know when I found the right person for me.And I…” he shakes his head, “…I can’t even tell you how early on I knew it was you.How long before you said that.You weren’t really mine, and at the same time, you were.I wasn’t yours, and yet I was.Then we stopped pretending, and it came true.We wereso right.We were right together and wemade thingsright together andI was proved rightthat you are my person.And I haven’t stopped being right about that.”
I’m nodding at him, the corners of my eyes prickling.I remember that phone call.I remember saying that to him and then silently telling myself I wasn’t talking about me—it wasn’t me, it couldn’t be me.And I remember not fully believing that.
His thumbs going back and forth over the backs of my hands.
