Page 26 of Falling Backwards
I freeze while she zooms closer, hissing, “Do not use my name tocommandmeto pay attention to you!I’m not a dog!And you wanna know what’s funny to me?”She jabs a fingertip into my chest.“It’s that I should’ve realized you wouldn’t have it in you to be thankful for anything, even for being defended when you didn’t have the chance to defend yourself.You care too much about being the cool guy all the damn time.”Her eyes pierce mine.“Now, let me say that again: you didn’t have the chance to defend yourself.Ronald wasn’t interested in your side of the story.That’swhy I thought you needed backup.”
God, she’s fucking gorgeous.
I blink at the thought.I blink at how she’s gone a bit breathless from her small torrent of words, her typical quietude cracked through by vehemence like any other time we get into an argument.I blink at how unfair it is that someone can be so beautiful and such a huge pain in my ass.And, embarrassingly, I blink at her lips.
Then I get away from our history for the umpteenth time today, play back her current accusations, and summon my own glare.
So shedidthink I couldn’t handle Ronald on my own.
“Uh, no,” I tell her, “I’m not an ungrateful person, and I’m not obsessed with being cool.That’s not what this is about.I just—”
A wry, raspy laugh bursts out of her.Her hands fly up in mock-surrender.“Yeah, of course not.You‘just’wish I had left you to get in trouble for no reason ’cause your pride would rather have that happen than accept a tiny bit of help from me.”
I open my mouth to retort again—
—but as her hands lower to her sides, her shoulders slump and her head tilts.Her hip cocks out and she pins an abruptly weary stare on me.
Ugh.
It’s.The.Shoulder drop.
Of course she would do it now, when I’m trying to argue my case and validate my irritation with her.
She starts walking backwards way too soon—she has turned away againwaybefore I get my fill of the inexplicable magnetism that is the shoulder drop.
“Whatever, you know?”I hear her say.She audibly tries to even out her breathing.“Just…whatever, Luke.I’ll leave it alone next time.”
I still have things to say, still have points I want to make, but the words won’t come.All I can do is stand here and watch her mess around in her locker again, dark brown ponytail tumbling down her back.The loose bit I noticed at the start of her shift has long since been fixed.
Damn it, man.
I don’t want to be shut down just like that.
But…well, I can’t help noticing a little part of me whispering that I’m truly not ungrateful, but only because what I am is immature.
I’m even more irritated by that.
And more so when it occurs to me that it really is easier to be stubborn than show my gratitude for her help, since gratitude isn’t something that’s typically shared by people who don’t like each other.It’s like the thing with the credit card—I should’ve given her props for finding it, but my aversion to giving her props for anything at all stood in the way.
I watch her scratch at her hair for a quick second.
Belatedly, my chest tingles where the prod of her fingertip was before.It’s been a long time since she last touched me.
Those years-old memories come back yet again and take this opportunity to spiral up and out of control.They send that tingle from my chest to my lips and from my lips to the bottom of my spine.
I don’t know why today has insisted on me remembering these things.
Still, animosity aside, one thing remains as true as it was years ago: I can’t believeIwas the first guy to kiss—
The metallic sound of her locker door closing startles me like she slammed it.
I can’t fend off the bizarre hope that she’ll toss one last look at me before she walks away so I can get another clear glimpse of her lips.A flat look, a sneer, a roll of her eyes—I’m not picky.
But she just goes to the door.
Only when she’s gone from view do I find enough brainpower to wonder, in more than one way, what the hell is wrong with me.
I lift both hands to my face and rub at my eyes.The darkness behind my eyelids is colored by sixteen-year-old Maggie’s green eyes fluttering open tiny inches from mine.Fluttering open to look at me with the furthest thing from the frustration she was firing at me a minute ago.
