Page 232 of Falling Backwards
The glance he turns back to me brings a little smile of his own—it’s not much, but it’s something.
Mmm.I’ve only just realized Ineeda kiss from him.And another easy touch.And some real, true closeness.
I’m hopeful that we’ll get to at least some of that here in a little while, after we’re settled in.
First things first, though.
While I cautiously change clothes, Luke calls food questions to me from the kitchen.I answer, but not without considering pretending not to hear him; I’m torn between feeling self-conscious about my body thanks to my ex and wishing Luke would walk in on me half-dressed and help me get back to the confidence I was starting to build up before I hurt my knee and had to stop doing my workouts.
Remembering my necessary hiatus brings on that old familiar glumness and discouragement.I told Luke recently that I’d try to be nice to myself, but it’s proving difficult.I thought I was doing a good job of getting into shape—not like it was happening overnight or anything, but it wassomething,you know?It was effort and I was happy about it even when it sucked.And now I’ve had to put it on pause for…I don’t even know how long.My knee is torn up.Am I looking atweeksbefore I can get back to exercising without it hurting?
Well, we’re not doing this right now,I remind myself as I finish putting my pajamas on.We’re in the market for a better mood than the one we’ve been in.No negative thoughts allowed for the rest of the night.
Yeah.
I leave my room and leave the glumness and discouragement behind.
Luke insists I sit on the couch while he finishes making our sandwiches.I sigh with relief as I sink into the cushions, then snag the remote control from the arm of the couch.What sounds good to watch?
I’ve narrowed it down to a few options by the time Luke is sitting next to me.He passes my plate and a napkin to me, and I’m surprised the sandwich looks rather picturesque.
Before I can compliment him on it and ask what he wants to watch, he speaks.
“So, my oldest friend is in town from med school and he asked me to get drinks with him tomorrow night.Just wanted to let you know I’m gonna do that.At six, I think?”
His tone is mild; it’s neither excited nor dull, giving away neither that he’s looking forward to the outing nor that he wishes he could bail.
I can understand it.There are some people in life with whom you’re simply fine to visit—nothing more, nothing less.His oldest friend, though?I’m pretty sure I haven’t heard about anyone like that, especially no one in medical school.
“Oh, yeah?”I ask.“Who is it?I don’t think you’ve mentioned him.”I try to think back while I pick up my sandwich.
“Uh…yeah, he’s….”
I wonder where they’re going.Tomorrow is Wednesday, which means Merritt’s will have half-price margaritas.I haven’t been back there since the stuff with Kyle started and neither has Luke, so ifImiss it, I know he does too.He used to go there as often as I did.It would be nice for him to—
“It’s Jayden.”
The name slows the bite of sandwich I’ve just taken.
Jayden?Where do I know that…?
But a face promptly comes up in my mind with sharp familiarity.
I stop chewing and go stiff.
My heart drops and starts my stomach churning.
No, surely not.
Surely it’s notthatguy.
With my appetite suddenly stunted, I have to force myself to finish chewing and swallow my bite of food.Then I look at Luke and see he’s taken his own bite of sandwich—and see his hand shaking, his face slightly colored, his eyes firmly cast down to his plate.
And…it all speaks the truth.It all answers the question I haven’t asked him.
Jaydenisthat guy I remember.Luke’s friend from high school.The friend who….
‘Maggie, wait!Please let me explain!’sixteen-year-old Luke’s voice blasts through my mind, as clear as it was the other thousand times I replayed it over the years.‘It was just this stupid idea—this stupid bet Jayden came up with that I swear I—and—but I actually care about you, Maggie, so please—’
