Page 228 of Falling Backwards
But at the edge of my vision, I can see a figure approaching my table.
Oh no.
Stomach dipping, I pick up another fork.
Don’t be him.
“You know….”
It is him, though.Of course it is.Damnit.
New discomfort ripples over me.I swear even my knee throbs from how unwelcome his closeness is.I look up at him, though, because if he has no qualms about going over his server’s head to complain about being refused a drink, he won’t have any qualms about complaining that I ignored him when he tried to talk to me—and Ronald won’t side with me on it for any reason, because to him, the customer is always right.
I do my best to level out my expression as I wait for Marcus to finish the sentence he started.He seems to study me for another second before he does.
“I see what you’re doing,” he says.
“Working?”I manage to ask politely.
He smirks anew.“Workingnear me.Picking a table near me out of all the ones in this place.”
Oh, hell.
Internally, I curse Ronald for making me sit in the bar area.Out loud, I tell Marcus, “It wasn’t my decision.I had to sit here.”
“Yeah, sure.”He puts a hand on the table and leans heavily onto it; unlike with Juanita, I don’t mirror his inwards slant.“It’s okay to admit you miss me.”
At that, I don’t know if I want to laugh or scoff.I end up just staring at him in disbelief.
He winks at me.
This guy is out of his mind.Is hethisdrunk or does he seriously think I wish I were still with him?
I inform him, “I don’t miss you at all.Not for a second.”
He stares at me, too, and hedoesscoff.It’s as if I’ve offended him.
Except then he pushes up out of his lean on the table and says, “Yeah, I don’t miss you either.”
His eyes wander over the parts of me that are in view with me sitting like this.He smiles smugly.
“Fucking hell,do I not miss you.It’ssonice to look at the girl I’m with and feel turned on instead of—” he points at me, then behind him to the direction of his table and the bathrooms, “—oh, andproud,honestly!It’s fucking awesome to look at her and feel proud and turned on instead of grossed out.”He squints at me.“Did you really think I could still want you after you gained all that weight?Surely not, right?Surely you knew I’d have no choice but to let you go, right?Or maybe you didn’t know that.Your bartender boyfriend didn’t get it either when I told him that day I saw him.But I mean, like I also told him, you still have a pretty face, but God, Maggie, how could you think anyone would…?”
I try to take a breath as I lose track of the onslaught of his words, but the air is thin going into my lungs.
My insides are being gripped and squeezed hard, leaving me wide-eyed.
I stare at him once again, unseeingly now, as bits and pieces of what he’s said ricochet around my skull.Each sharp ping makes my face feel hotter, makes my midsection feel heavier, makes my memory of Luke telling me about their encounter seem jagged and embarrassing and—
Marcus told him my weight gain is the reason he dumped me?And Luke hid that from me?
My thoughts are all over the place.I recall Luke telling me that he got in trouble for insulting Marcus, who had insulted me first, but I can’t remember him telling me the whole truth and I can’t believe he wouldn’t have.And I think about how Marcus is drunk right now and shouldn’t be listened to, except that drunk Marcus is just as likely to be too honest as he is to lie and stir up shit, so I don’t know where the truth actually lies in his words.And I know I need to get back to work if only to distract myself from him, but I’m having trouble moving and looking away from his stupid face and his perfect clothes and the ghost of his new girlfriend standing beside him—she hasn’t come back from the bathroom yet, but I can picture her standing here, all slim and graceful.
He’s a piece of shit,part of me whispers.Who cares what he thinks?
The rest of me is made up of knots of confusion and disquietude.
I tune back in to him because he wobbles into the table and jostles the cutlery, interrupting my thoughts with several noisy clangs.
