Page 212 of Falling Backwards
She gasps as she gets a good look at me.“You are blushing like crazy!Okay, okay, tell us how your time with Luke went!”
Maybe they’ll just think simple joy is to blame, which it is, but there’s no way not to also blush about how utterly gorgeous Luke sounded when I made him—
“Did something happen between you two?”Emma asks in a half-hushed way.She and Joy both lean in my direction.
Joy hunches her shoulders excitedly.“Yeah, did somethinghappen-happen?”
Oh my God.What do I say?
I buy some time while I fan at my cheeks.I try not to keep thinking about other sexy things; I don’t want to make the blush worse.
Emma tilts her head to Joy and tells her, “She’s killing me, Joyful.”
Joy groans through her smile, agreeing.
I giggle in diffidence, amusement, and fondness all at once.Then I finally land on what to say.“You beautiful souls know I’m not one to talk about stuff like—”
They both gasp deeply, then glance at each other with wide eyes, their hands grasping at each other’s.I don’t know if they’re talking to me or each other when their babble starts up.
“That means somethingdidhappen!”
“Yes!That’s a modest little way of saying it!”
“I wonder what it was, but—”
“—never gonna tell us, ’cause that’s not how—”
Officially fire-faced despite my fanning, I say over them, “No, I’m not gonna tell you what it was!But I will tell you that not even countingthat,our week together was so good and fun and easy and I wasn’t worried about anything at all.I just feltright.”
Now my friends’ expressions relax.Emma looks at me with settling approval while Joy lets out a half-breathy, “Aw,” and puts her hands to her heart.
Emma says, “All my previous excitement for you aside….He really makes you happy?”Her eyes drift over me in a way that tells me she’s dipping her toes into the past while she sits here.“He’s really earned your trust back?”
I know it’s mostlymypast, but there’s a second or two where I can see a familiar shift, and I know she’s touching on her past too.
Graham,I think softly.She’s thinking about him.
She doesn’t see me exchange the smallest of looks with Joy, who I can tell has caught what I’ve caught.As usual, we don’t say anything about it.
I just wait for Emma to finish vaguely looking at my hair, I think, and meet my eyes again.Then I answer softly, “Yeah.After…back then…I never thought it could happen, but it has.”
I say it because it’s my truth and because I hope she will one day find some peace of her own.I’m not sure how likely it is that she’ll ever even see Graham again, let alone give him another chance like I’ve given Luke, but I don’t want her to be stuck with her pain and anger forever.Maybe this can be a tiny bit of proof planted in her mind that things can be better someday despite it feeling for so long like they couldn’t be.
Joy’s voice is gentle: “I’m happy for you.”I see her smile and her ever-warm eyes.“I’mreallyhappy for you, sister.You deserve someone who makes you glow, and if it’s Luke who does that, then I….”She shrugs.“Honestly, I’m thankful he isn’t letting anything stand in the way of it.”
That brings a slight prickle to the corners of my eyes.
I smile at her.“Thank you, sister.”
Emma finally speaks again.“Yeah, I agree with Joy.”She holds one hand out to me in her half of a heart.“I’m happy for you, too, sister.”
I hold out the other half of the heart even though there are several feet of space between us.Then Joy joins in, and she and Emma get their heart connected before Joy tugs at a length of Emma’s hair in what I believe is comfort for the things our girl carries but never talks about.
“I love you, Em,” I tell her.Then, “And you, Joyful.”
“We love you,” they say at the same time.
I go from having my halves of my hand-hearts in the air to gesturing at the girls.“Okay, who’s gonna talk about their holiday next?I’ve said all there is to say about mine—except, oh, I did meet Luke’s mom and she’s so sweet.And she showed me pictures of Luke from when he was a kid and they were amazing.”
