Page 158 of Falling Backwards
Any muscle soreness or fatigue that’s setting into me now is probably mild compared to what he feels.
I look over just in time to see him wincing as he hurries to catch a lime that’s rolling out from behind the bar.
The sympathy I have for him doesn’t keep me from chuckling anew.
And these innocent thoughts don’t keep me from remembering our kisses in a swell of flickers and skipped heartbeats.
Nothinghas kept me from remembering them—not for long.Whether a little or a lot, they’ve been on my mind and on my lips this entire time.
I start to relive them here and now, even though my brain is still halfway focused on how he’s moving with obvious soreness over there behind the bar.
But I can’t let myself slip into those couch memories.I’m at work and that means this is a bad time for me to get all breathless and melty over him.
God, is he a good kisser, though.Such a damn good one.
And he was good at our exercise.He did great despite the challenge.
Andwedid great with the cooking, though there were some hiccups on that front too.
We had to make the hollandaise twice, similar to back when he made the dish by himself.During the first attempt, I told himsomany times that the recipe said not to pour the melted butter into the whisked eggs too quickly, but he told me I take instructions too seriously sometimes.
“How do we know what they mean by‘quickly’anyway?”he’d insisted.“It’s gonna turn out fine.”
Well, it did not turn out fine.The eggs and butter separated and got weird.
I put on a smile and very sweetly informed him, “I told you.”
He blinked slowly at me, then put on a smile of his own and said very sweetly, too, “If you’re gonna lord my mistake over me, maybe don’t burn the English muffins while you’re at it.”
Even though I scoffed at that, I also rushed for the toaster oven, which I’d forgotten about.
In the end, we were quite pleased with how everything tasted…you know, since I toasted new English muffins after the first ones really did go in a sad way like the first batch of hollandaise.
And laughing—by the end of it all, we were laughing about our blunders.They were learning experiences and they were funny to us.
I swore there was something more to the way he looked at me when we laughed together.I wondered if my laughter on the couch was why he kissed me in the first place somehow.
He didn’t try to kiss me again, though, after cooking or any other time, and I didn’t try to kiss him again either despite how much I….
A couple of times over these hours, I’ve wondered why I haven’t just gone for it.Things have been a little awkward between us here and there, but not in a way that suggests he regrets what we did.
In fact, I think it’s been awkward because he doesn’t—and because I don’t.
Which…is not how things were supposed to go between us.
Neither of us seems to know what to do about it, so we’ve just tried to go about things like we have been.
Thinking all this reminds me of him saying he liked how I looked in his sweatpants.I thought that was funny too; I chuckle about it again now since there truly is no way I’m more attractive in them than he is.
But I guess we’ll have another opportunity to debate it, given how he responded to an important question I had to ask him while we ate.
I’d let my fork play in my puddle of hollandaise while I brought it up.A few hours before, when he briefly dropped me off at home so each of us could properly prepare for the day, my friends let me know their official plans for Thanksgiving.They’re leaving at different times on that Tuesday and coming back on Friday…but only ifIcan stick closer to Luke than usual so I won’t be by myself, particularly at nighttime.If for some reason we can’t work something out, at least one of the girls is canceling their trip.
My heart had swelled with love for them, and the obvious idea for me and Luke to stay together sat well with me.I didn’t mind asking him and didn’t think he would mind either.
After I actually got the question out to him, though, I felt bashful as hell.Wasit too much to ask for, especially with the whole kiss thing?Was it going to necessitate Joy or Emma not seeing their family after all?
Since he was quiet afterwards, I worried it was.
