Page 146 of Falling Backwards
She tsks.“Didn’t occur to me that I should bring one until after we were outside our building.We were already supposed to be on the way here, so I decided not to go back upstairs.”
“Ah.”Yeah, she wouldn’t want to be late.
“Oh, what’s up, dude?”Paxton’s voice hits my ears.I turn my attention that way just in time to see him stepping over to us.Everyone else comes along too.
I slap hands with him.“Hey, man.You good?”
“Be better once I get some food!Y’all are gonna love this place!And hey, this is Bradley from work.Brad, meet Luke.”
I shake hands with him, then exchange pleasant greetings with Emma and Joy.I’ve noticed lately that they’ve relaxed at the sight of me, quite unlike at different times before Maggie and I started pretending to date.It makes me feel like they’ve put some trust in me, like they don’t see me and automatically prepare for their friend to be annoyed somehow.
It’s nice.
For the next couple minutes, we all chat as a group.There’s some surface-level talk of how our days went and some comments on how long we might have to wait to be seated—and I notice how Maggie rubs her arms when‘half an hour’gets tossed out there.Then Paxton and Bradley tell us all about the things they like to eat here, even though I’ve already heard the former wax poetic about the chicken parmigiana.
A cold gust blows through, and the others keep talking, seeming only mildly discomfited.But next to me, Maggie curls in on herself, looking like she can’t stay focused on the discussion because all she can think about are the many tiny places the wind is seeping into her clothes.
In fact, as a soup gets mentioned, I think I hear her mutter, “I’d like to take a bath in some soup right now.”
No one else catches it, but it makes me chuckle even as I face her and say seriously, “Come here, gorgeous.”I put a hand on her shoulder and tug her towards me.
Her eyes leave the others and go all over me.“What?Come to where?”
“To me.”I open my coat.
She blinks.
I wait.
Then she steps all the way up to me despite appearing to have more questions.She pins her arms between us and cradles her fists to herself, and I wrap my coat around her the best I can, cocooning her into it with me.I can’t quite keep the fabric closed at her back—there’s enough of it to warm her, but not enough to button us both in since one coat isn’t made for two people, so I have to hold it.I don’t mind, though.
HowcouldI mind when this puts her so close to me?
She says, “Oh my gosh,” on a sigh, her voice muffled now that it’s at my chest.“You’re so warm.”
“You’re cold,” I counter only slightly playfully.Now that we’re touching, I can feel her shivering, and I hate that she’s probably been doing it since getting out of the car.
I become aware of her fists unfurling, flattening against my chest, letting her settle that much closer to me.
She could be closer still.
I want it, and I dare to hope she does too.
I lick my dry lips, which invites a cutting attack from the cold air.Doesn’t snap me out of my urge, though.Beneath our friends’ ongoing discussion, I murmur, “Put your arms around me if you want to.”
There’s no way to miss the stutter in her inhalation.
But her motions are smooth as she unfolds herself and slips her arms around my waist.I adjust my embrace and close her into a bit more of my coat, and her hands now settle flat on my back, beneath my shoulder blades.
I’m the one with stuttering breaths this time because I love the comfort she offers—and because I can almost imagine her hands not having my clothes beneath them.
Part of me wishes I wouldn’t think delicious things like that about her.She’s not wholeheartedly my girlfriend, so daydreaming is nothing but a special form of torture.But the rest of me can’t help it whatsoever.The moved way she makes me feel comes so easily now, like heartbeats.
I’m warmed in a unique way by her, whether I’m supposed to be or not.
She has all but snuggled into me.“Thank you.”
I tell her sincerely, “Anytime.”
