Page 133 of Falling Backwards
We exchange laughing emojis.Ugh, I’m chuckling so hard that my back is already starting to hurt.It’s probably tired from all the laughing he had me doing throughout the day.
ME:And just like that, you’ve improved my mood.Thank you
LUKE:You’ve improved mine.Let’s try to forget about him for a while
What a good idea.
ME:Yes, let’s
We’ve made each other’s mood better, and it’ll be nice to keep it that way.
My words from earlier hit my stomach like so many letters’ worth of butterflies:‘We’re good together, aren’t we?’
‘We are,’joins them and flutters up my spine, down my legs.
A new text from him:
Can I call you?
The butterflies intensify.
His request is unexpected; except for when we’ve used Lucent’s system while working, we haven’t spoken on the phone in a long time.
I send him a yes.
I’m a little breathless as I wait for the call to come.And the breathlessness worsens when my phone starts ringing in my hand with his name on the screen.
I answer, “Hi.”
“Hi,” he echoes with low ease, like he’s relaxing in that huge, cushy chair in his living room.
While I wait for him to keep talking, I try to get my lungs under control.
But he doesn’t say anything else.
Even after many moments, he’s quiet.
“Are you there?”I ask.
“Yeah.”He clears his throat as if to bolster his tone, but it still doesn’t sound off to me in the first place.It sounds calm and normal.“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Okay.”
I feel like I should add something to that, but I don’t want to be like,‘Is there something you need?’or whatever because I don’t want him to think I’m too busy to talk.Or that I’m not interested in talking.Or that he’s annoying me somehow.
“I….”
His trailed-off word is as short as a word can be—a single letter, a single syllable—and yet I find myself hanging on it.
More silence comes and goes, and then his soft laughter is drifting into my ear.
“All right,” he says, “think me lame if you must, but I…just wanted to hear your voice again.”
Pleasant surprise brushes over me like gentle fingertips, warm liking in its wake.
He doesn’t seem to mind that I need a few seconds…
…or several…
