Page 12 of Falling Backwards
L U K E
I’ve gotten better sleep this time.
Paxton’s couch is pretty decent, and no stressful phone calls came while I was trying to rest.However, I do wake up to brighter sunshine than I’d like after how late we stayed up—and to text messages from someone who has me thinking about Maggie way earlier in the day than I planned on.
Not that Jayden mentions her or anything to do with her.His texts simply say he’ll be in town soon and he wants to catch up.It’s been quite a while since we’ve done much talking or visiting; he’s been focused on college for a long time and we’ve naturally started growing distant from each other.But we were much closer in high school, so he was right there when I finally made Maggie’s acquaintance…and that whole plan had beenhisidea.
‘That whole plan.’
My stomach dips unpleasantly at the fact that, as cold as it sounds, a plan is exactly what it was.
So yeah.Whenever I hear from my old friend—or even think of him—I often end up with Maggie on my mind too.
I don’t feel like following her knotted-up thread, though.
I push memories of her big green eyes out of my head and tell Jayden I’m down to hang out when he shows up.Then I get off the couch and start hunting down my shoes and keys.My work shift starts with weekend brunch pretty soon.I need to be on my way.
Paxton doesn’t appear to be awake by the time I’m good to go, so I don’t bother trying to tell him I’m leaving.I just lock up behind me and head out.He’s sure to come by Lucent later anyway; brunch hours don’t require reservations like dinner hours do and he would probably die for our French toast.
What a goofy dude he is.He really did throw back a bunch of drinks last night in honor of his broken PlayStation 4.We had a good time.Same as me, he’s not a shitty drunk—quite unlike Jayden, actually.
To tell the truth, it’s something of a relief that Jayden has been working on a medical degree many hours away, because I don’t miss the moods he descended into when we partied together.Guy knows how to turn fun into a headache in a way that doesn’t involve being hungover.Heisgood at creating hangovers, too, though.
I always managed to deal with it, and I reckon I always will.It’s temporary, you know?These days, it’s just an evening or two.And catching up is something friends have to do when they’ve grown apart and they don’t see each other much anymore; in the grand scheme of things, a headache isn’t the worst.
Outside, the sun hasn’t been up quite long enough to melt away the overnight frost.Everything glitters silvery-white in the sunshine, and I have to say it looks cool as hell.I like this time of year.I think it stems from when my dad was still around.Escaping the house when he and my mom were arguing did a lot more to clear my head when the air was cold than when it was warm.It was hard enough to breathe under that roof, so my lungs were always grateful for the sharp chill that could fill them once I was out in the open.
In my car, I have to spend a minute letting my windshield clear up, so I mess around on my phone while I wait for that—
—aaaand speak of the devil.
I can’t see the incoming text in full from the notification at the top of my screen, but beneath the unfamiliar number is,‘I insist you change your mind.The address is….’I assume it’s my dad telling me where the reunion will be taking place.
Dropping my phone to my lap, I complain out loud, “What part of me telling you,‘I’m not going,’was hard to understand?”
I don’t know why he would even bother with this after how our call went.
…No, wait.I think I do know why he would, because I’m recalling something he said at the very end of the call.It was what pissed me off way more than anything had a right to so early in the day.
He told me family is important.
Hetoldmefamily is important as if I’m the one who broke ours up.As if I’m the one who has a history of being selfish.As if it’s selfish in the first place for me not to want to spend time with someone who has only let me down.
I guess family is so important that you’re never allowed to choose anyone, even yourself, over it—unless you’re him.
That was when I snapped, “Go fuck yourself.”
“Enough!”he tried to thunder back at me.“Grow up, Luke!I know you’ve been angry, but it’s time to move on.This reunion is bigger than you as an individual.Show some respect for where you came from!”
“Oh, I’ll show respect for that,” I assured him bitterly.“Soon as we get off the phone, I’m gonna call Mom and thank her for teaching me how to be a man.”
He didn’t like that either.
But I don’t like that mentality he brought up.In fact, I hate it.So many people twist that view of family into something manipulative.Same as anyone else, your relatives don’t deserve your undying loyalty and love if they’re people who do bad things without remorse.Having blood in common with someone shouldn’t give them unlimited free passes to treat you poorly without consequence; it shouldn’t mean you owe them forgiveness.
In truth, I didn’t call my mom after I hung up with my dad.It was too early.And to further my truth-telling, I also forgot to call later as the day went on.However, right now should be a good time, so I continue to ignore my dad’s text message and give her a ring.
She answers with her usual, “Hi, honey!”
