Page 92 of Falling Backwards
But…I’m notbothered.I’m especially not uncomfortable like I was the few times Kyle touched me.
At this returning thought of him, I wonder if he really is here somehow and that’s why Luke hasn’t taken his hand off me.
I adjust all the hangers I’m holding, easing up some pinching that’s becoming painful.Then I get brave enough to look all the way up to Luke’s face.He’s studying the bit of my hair he’s caught between a couple fingers.
Gentlefingers.
The question, “What are you thinking about?”falls out of my mouth.
“Your hair is soft and you smell good.”
His easy answer settles on me.
I decide it doesn’t really matter whether Kyle is around.Luke and I are pretending to date just in case, and part of that is exchanging touches, low tones meant only for each other, moments of closeness that look real.
I glance at his lips without meaning to.Then I give the best smile I can for how stirred and shaky and strangely comforted I am.
“Thank you,” I say.
He takes a slow breath and finally stops touching me, letting that piece of hair slip back down to my shoulder.“Thankyou.”
As he shuffles to the next rack, I can feel my smile becoming more real.“For what?Smelling good?”
“Yeah, if you smelled like olives, being near you would be terrible.”
I chuckle.“Still hate olives, hmm?”
He chuckles too.“Until the day I die.”
Nostalgia touches me.“There’sa song I haven’t thought about in years.”
“Oh, man.Same.”
Momentarily, my ears catch the start of another exercise question, but my brain focuses more on the bit of lazy air guitar I catch him doing.I know that song is in his head now.
I haven’t seen him play air guitar in such a long time.It’s another little blast from the past.
I wonder if seeing flickers of the old Maggie ever affects him as much as it affects me when I see flickers of the old Luke.
Maybe by the end of all this, we won’t be at such odds anymore,I dare to hope.Maybe we can keep proving we’re capable of getting along and we’ll be able to at least tolerate each other in the future and familiar things won’t feel so bittersweet.
There’s no pretending, even to myself, like that wouldn’t be nice.
For now, I tune in to how he has just prompted me, “Eh?Eh?”
I replay his question that I skipped over before, then send a flat look to his back.
“No,” I say, “being able to do HIIT workouts on easy mode doesn’t mean I can wear that pink sports bra after all.”
—
By the time I’ve picked out more clothes and tried them all on, it’s looking like I’ll have to go to another store for most of the things I hoped to find.The leggings Luke pointed out are all I love; no other ones were comfortable, none of the shirts wowed me, and the sports bras were all letdowns.
Sighing, I return to the entrance to the ladies’ fitting room area.The things that didn’t work for me get left on the empty table there.“All right.Your turn.”
Luke saunters into view from where he’s been waiting just outside the entrance.“Awesome leggings only?”he notes.
“Yeah.”I nod at the few clothes he needs to try on himself.“So if you don’t love any of that, maybe another store will help both of us out.”
