Page 88 of Falling Backwards
Does she feel regret?
I ponder it for a good few moments.
However, I don’t feel like I can ask it aloud.We outright agreed not to talk about things that could wreck our temporary truce.She betrayed my trust because I betrayed hers, and there’s still a lot of pain there.Getting into it would mean getting into an argument, and God only knows what we’d end up saying to each other.
Neither of us signed up for a trip down the road of our mistakes.We signed up for dealing with the here and now.
Which means both that I appreciate her apology for a minute ago and that it’s time to give the one I owe her.
Get back to living in the present day, Bramhill.
I say at last, “You’re right too.I’m sorry I forgot to read your message.Sorry I jumped on your ass.”Diffidently, I add, “Again.”
She holds my gaze.Momentarily, I see appreciation of her own.
Her eyes aren’t exactly soft, but something about them weakens me a little bit.
Or maybe it’s the way she looks in general right now.Or the knotted-up wayIfeelin general.
Or all of it.
All I know is I honestly miss the days when she cared about how I felt.When, for some reason, it was easier to talk with her about hard things than it was with anyone else.
She finally nods her forgiveness of my attitude and continues walking away.
I also remember that she forgives me for making her spill her drink a couple weeks ago at Merritt’s.
It had taken me some time to figure out how to word my messages to her, especially that one.My hands were oddly trembly; in a way, they worsened when her response turned out not only to be favorable but also relaxed.Was like it made me nervous, but I felt relieved, too, and…something else I couldn’t pinpoint.
Yet I was trembly before that point in the night as well.I had been for a while because I tucked her perfectly against my side two different times, stood with her behind Lucent’s bar for minutes that almost felt easy, got through a work shift with us exchanging looks that didn’t carry animosity or impatience.
“I’m sorry I’m not ready to go yet,” she says from across the way, her back still to me.“I’ll try to hurry.Twenty minutes or so….”She clears her throat, like she feels bad about the hang-up.
And I clear mine because somehow, it’s only just now occurring to me that there’s probably fucking nothing under that little bathrobe except for her.Clean, soft, beautiful Maggie.
Her body is already fantastic in clothes.How incredible must she be na—?
“Are you okay?”alerts me to how I’ve cleared my throat again, more weakly than before.
Thank fuck she turns to look at me just in time tonotcatch my eyes soaking her up.
I cross my arms, hoping to hide the fresh unsteadiness taking over my hands—and hoping my face won’t warm enough to give away that something out of the ordinary was just on my mind.
“I’m fine.And don’t be sorry.Do you want me to leave and come back in a little while, or…?”
Her shrug is bashful.“Oh, I….”
“Whatever you’re comfortable with is good with me.”
She gently rubs at her hair with that small towel, but it’s an absentminded action.Her focus is on me.“I, uh…don’treallywanna be here alone again, but if you’d be bored just sitting around, I won’t ask you to do that.”
I head for the couch.“It’s no problem.I’ll have time to finally read your message and quit feeling like an asshole.”
As her eyes follow me, a small smile graces her lips.There’s no time for me to get used to it before she giggles.
The sound is as quiet as ever, but it still has my feet dragging to a halt, my jaw going just slack.
She doesn’t notice—she’s already turned away and going in the direction of her bedroom.
