Page 81 of Falling Backwards
I can’t act like I don’t trust that.
Plus, it would be nice to hang on to this civilized mood we’ve fallen into, rather than end our first day as a fake couple with bickering.
So I relax in my seat as best I can with the ghost of his arm around me still making me feel flushed.
We end up talking over the Snow Patrol quietly playing.Try to plan out what our next few days will look like as far as riding to work goes.Say this and that about what we might eat when we each get home.Agree that it’s nice our weather is acting the way it should at this time of year instead of being warm.
Still, that flush hasn’t cooled off even by the time we’re parked outside my building.Here’s another opportunity for him to pull me close again, so why bother trying to shake off the first?
Indeed, during our walk from the car, we once again end up wrapped in each other’s arm against the biting wind and the shadows cast by the lights illuminating the area.
His half-embrace remains disruptive to my thoughts, remains foreign to my adult body.
Remains soothing, too, because it’s even thicker than the armor I believed his mere presence would be.
Will adjusting to it take very long?
After he’s gotten me to my door and put space between us, I feel both chilled and like I can function better.It’s hard to know whether I’m imagining that he seems to be dealing with a similar phenomenon, and I still don’t ask.All I do is echo his goodbye and agree to talk soon.
He leaves only after I’m locked into the apartment.The welcoming warmth of my friends’ voices picks up where he left off.
Within short minutes, I’ve changed into pajamas, heated up some of the pizza the girls ordered, and gotten a text that Luke didn’t see anything ominous on the way to his car.
That gesture brings back the twist and leap and fall of my stomach; it’s been so, so long since he last texted me.And his words have my feeling of being chilled shifting into relief.
It heightens when my friends join me on the couch.
“Oh my gosh, girl,” Joy says, curling up next to me with wide hazel eyes.“We’re so glad you’re home safe!Tell us what’s been going on!”
Emma sits cross-legged and frowns in curiosity.“Yeah, how’d Luke end up saving the day for the second time?And was that him I heard out there in the hall with you?He walked you to the door?”
Sighing around my bite of pizza, I think back over the day.Then I swallow my food and echo what he said just before he told me his plan.
“Okay, here we go.”
—
My phone dings with a text message right as I’m finishing explaining everything.While Emma and Joy take a moment to think, I look at my screen.
LUKE:Thanks for drying those glasses with me
Another stomach-flipping kindness.
ME:You’re welcome.Thank you for getting me home in one piece
“And you’re sure this is what you wanna do?”Joy checks gently, bringing me back to our conversation.“You’re comfortable even though…?”
Emma supplies quietly, “Even though it’s Luke?”
I set my phone aside and soak up my friends’ expressions.Throughout my catching them up, they’ve shown all the shock and interest I expected.Now they look as thoughtful and serious as I expected.
My own emotions have been nudged into a fresh whirl, but I’m steady in my answer.“Yeah, I’m comfortable even though it’s Luke.As wild as that is, what I wouldn’t be okay with is continuing to feel like a sitting duck, you know?”
Joy nods slowly.
Emma states, “Okay, then.”
“I’m glad he’s changing,” Joy says.
