Page 307 of Falling Backwards
The sweetest warmth whispers down my spine.
“Yeah,” I say, “you were and you are.”
Then something from a year ago springs to my mind.
“Hey….Last year, we were talking about that day—and our first kiss—and you said you’ll never forget how I made you feel.”After his nod, I ask suddenly delicately, “HowdidI…?”
The way he looks at me tells me he’s both back there and anchored here.
“Like I’d never be the same,” he says, “and I couldn’t be happier about it.”
That strikes so true with me that my tearfulness tries to return.
He murmurs, “Another thing I was right about.”
I kiss his thumb by my lip and murmur back, “I’m so happy you changed me too.”
His eyes freshly glisten as well, but we still smile before we kiss again.This time, we cling to each other and sink in, not letting even our excitement rush us.
The world narrows to just this adoration, this belonging, this joy that is somehow peacefully quiet and the most extravagant feeling ever.
And I marvel at all of that, as well as how right he was about us coming full-circle—here and in general.
This place was ours a long time ago, and it’s ours again now.
We spent years thinking we were done and over, unsalvageable, and it turned out we just needed to deal with the emotional chasm that was between him and me, between who we were in high school and who we were as adults.Falling backwards into our past sounded scary, but it’s what saved us.We had to do it to learn to trust each other again.To learn how to do things differently, better, the right way.To learn how to use what we started at sixteen to strengthen what we had at twenty-four.To learn how to really move forwards.
I’m so grateful to us.
And, yes,so happy.
—
The rest of our day has felt delightfully slow even though we’ve found things to fill it with.
We’ve gone to the park and wandered around the mall.We’ve planned to share our news with his mom and my parents later this week on Thanksgiving, and we’re waiting to hear back from our friends about when a good night to go to dinner is so we can tell them then, although Paxton actually already knew about Luke planning to propose.We’ve spent more time at home and started thinking about wedding stuff, including that we think it’s best to get married in maybe another year or so.
By the time we’re driving to dinner, I’m tired and wired at once.I know he is too.
“I sure missed Mellow Burger during the Kyle thing,” I say.Then I giggle.“And I’ve missed it since the last time we went.”
Luke laughs.“I know a couple weeks is so long!”
“It is.”
“Shit, I feel the same way since you got me hooked on the spicy fries.”
I send him a mischievous smile he sees in an amused glance.
“But yeah,” he says, “I’m glad it’s not a place to avoid anymore.And I’m glad he was nothing but professional the couple of times we saw him before he seemed to stop working there.”
I nod.“Very glad.He meant it when he said he was over me.”
“Yep.”
I look out the windshield at the Christmas lights people and businesses have already started putting up, but I still vaguely notice Luke not using his turn signals when he should.I shake my head a little.I’ve continued trying to convince him to do it, and he has continued insisting it’s not a big deal that he doesn’t.To his credit, he’s never been in a wreck with or without me in the car—he really is a fine driver besides this—but still.
I don’t bring it up tonight.
