Page 289 of Falling Backwards
Right away, I feel stupid.About blurting that out, about how true it apparently is—I hadn’t been sitting around wanting Ronald’s job, but now that it’s open and Maggie thinks I should try, it’s suddenly, firmly in my head.
My fascination with it takes off running, and briefly, I can imagine that work clearly.Make more money, probably have good benefits, treat the position right, do something a little bigger than tending bar.Because she’s right, I actually do believe….
The fascination starts going limp.
Reality bleeds through possibility.
I turn my hands over beneath Maggie’s so I can hold on to her right back.
“I’m interested,” I admit lowly, “but for all I said I could handle, there’s still stuff Iwouldn’tknow how to do.Dealing with people isn’t the only thing he had to do.And Iamjust a bartender—that’s all I’ve been for a long time.Why would I think I could really be good at a management position?Those things aren’t alike.”
And even before she replies, I feel the nearly overwhelming urge to kiss the hell out of her, purely because of the gentle yet firm look of love she gives me.
“You are not‘just’anything,” she tells me.“There’s nothing less-than about being a bartender.You know I think it’s a cool job, and since you like it, that makes it even cooler.But if you wanna look into something else, you can do it.You can trust yourself.You are smart and capable, not to mention kind and trustworthy and charming.”She shakes her head.“With an assistant manager job, there probablyarethings you wouldn’t know how to do, but when people get a promotion, they don’t always know everything about the job they’re gonna be doing.Sometimes they just go for it.They want it and they go for it and they learn things along the way.You can do that too.”
The undeniable sense of her words burrows into me, lightening the glumness that had snuck in.
She goes on.“I don’t know if being assistant manager would be asfunas bartending, but maybe it would be cool in a different way.Or maybe you could do both somehow if that’s what you’d want.Or maybe you’d try it and realize you don’t like it after all and you could tend bar again.”
I don’t know what to say yet, so I just nod along.
“Anyway, I’m not trying to pressure you.Mr.Polk’s news was just such a surprise to me, and I thought of you immediately.I asked if he has anyone lined up in any way and he said no.So I wanted to mention it to you in case you wanna throw your hat in the ring.”
I do.
I don’t feel pressured.
And I do know what to say now.
“I love you,” I tell her.
Oh, the sparkle, the shine, the softness, the surety in those green eyes.
“I love you, too, Luke,” she murmurs.
With a slant of a smile, I murmur back, “What if I throw my hat in the ring and Mr.Polk throws it back at me?”
Her smile is fuller.“Then whatever.It won’t be proof that you can’t do the job.It certainly won’t be proof that you shouldn’t try any other thing that appeals to you in life.”
That, too, makes sense to me.
At last, the excitement she was radiating before spreads to me.
Obviously, Mr.Polk probablywillturn me down.Qualifications and experience do matter—that’s just the truth.But Maggie has made such good points, and I have the interest, so why not try?There’s nothing to lose because if Mr.Polk tells me no, I’ll happily continue bartending.
“I’ll go for it,” I say.
She looks at me with pride, and I can’t question why.I’m proud of me too.
Another instance of Maggie Makes Luke’s World Better.
Laughter from somewhere behind me has us straightening out of our leans over the hostess stand.Maggie glances that way and her professionalism slips back into place, confirming that people have just walked into the restaurant.I’m surprised work stuff didn’t interrupt us before now, honestly.
“Duty calls,” she acknowledges.
“Yep,” I say.“I’m probably late now.Worth it, though.”
She winces but then giggles.
