Page 286 of Falling Backwards
Whichever it is, I’m made hotter yet by her hand pulling mine down, down, down until she’s set my fingertips above where we’re connected.Our moans collide like our breaths do.I rest my lips just against hers, not kissing again quite yet, and answer her silent plea by giving her this new thing she wants.Slip my touch over her as slowly as we’re sharing ourselves with each other.
It gets the softest of gasps out of her.
“Like this?”I murmur coarsely.
She nods.“I…” she brushes her mouth over mine, not fully kissing me again either, “…I need it right now, but I don’t always…like last night.I didn’t…but it still….”
I hum my understanding, remembering the burn of then, enjoying the burn of now.
“God, the way it feels for you to do it, Luke….”
“God, the wayyoufeel.”I wrap my mouth around hers again now, treasure the soft whimper-like sound she makes and the slight cant of her hips against my fingertips.After a few moments: “I’ve got you, beautiful.Promise.Anytime and always.”
Those last words have been living in a corner of my chest since she said them to me last night.The way she kisses me again a little more ardently tells me my echo of them might be doing the same in her.
With my steady caress matching my thrusts, it’s not long before she’s coming with her breath catching hard around my name.
With how it feels for her to come while she says my name that damn gorgeously, I’m taken by the grip of my climax too.
This is the way to start a damn day.
The way to end a day.
The way to get through a day….
Her winded laughter fills my room like the sunlight when I tell her that.She agrees.I grin and melt into resting along the length of her before we get up.
Thursday.A day away from Christmas Eve.Got things to do, places to be.
—
“I can’t wait to see what you got for her!”my mom squeaks for the fifth time in the last hour.“I’m so excited about Christmas Day in general!”
Chuckling, I get the cover of her smoke detector put back in place.“I’m excited, too, and my gift for her isn’t the most luxurious thing ever, just a little something special.And there, now this thing will quit beeping at you.But cover your ears, ’cause I gotta test it.”
We manage to survive the next couple seconds of shrieking noise that means the smoke detector is working.Then I get off the stepstool while she insists that Maggie’s Christmas gift from me, whatever it is, doesn’thaveto be luxurious to be wonderful.I agree, which is why I said basically the same thing just a second ago—it’s not super fancy or expensive, but it’s still special.Nevertheless, I let my mom chatter about it while I deal with the stepstool and old batteries.I love that she already loves Maggie.
Thinking of the gift has my mind going back over the hour-plus I’ve spent alone since she went to work.I took Paxton some care items for his hangover, grabbed the gift from him because I had it delivered to his place instead of mine, went home and wrapped it, stuck it under my little tree next to what I got for him and my mom.Got the oil changed in my car, came over here to my mom’s house to visit for a bit and help with the smoke detector before I have to go to work myself.
And I feel both relief and lingering shakiness at one thing we talked about: how Maggie and I started out all that time ago.
I don’t know when I decided I wanted to tell her, and I didn’t really plan to do it today, but it happened.After we caught up for a minute, I found that I wanted to finally open up about just how big Maggie is—and always has been—to me.
Before now, I’d been nervous about what she’d think of what I did.I didn’t want her to feel the same disappointment I’d felt in myself for so long.Yeah, though, it’s something I recently realized I wanted to share with her.Maybe it was because Maggie and I overcame it and found truly steady joy with each other.Maybe it was because my ongoing upset with my dad has been in my face more than usual, which has had me even more thankful than usual that my mom and I are close.
So I told her about high school.Linked it to what my adult relationship with Maggie was like before we started faking dating, then to how that turned real, then to our fight, then to the fucking awesome place we’re solidly in now.I mean, I didn’t tell hereverythingabout everything—not the more personal and intimate details of us or the fight, or the deep stuff about my dad, but…I said enough.I painted enough of a picture that she could see her son, and the girl who has his heart, more clearly.
“Oh, honey,” she’d said softly.“Oh, my boy.”I didn’t know if her glistening-eyed expression weighed heavier towards compassion about what happened or delight about how it has turned out.
What I did know was there was only a little bit of disappointment, and it didn’t hang around.It was gone by the time we were done hugging.There wasn’t even a shadow left when she told me how very, very happy she is thatI’mhappy.
As grateful as I was for that, I also felt a pull of gratitude for Maggie.Because of her, I’ve gotten brave enough to face truths about myself, my choices, my feelings; it’s because of her that I’ve been finding freedom.
Thank you, God, for her.
I hear a thud and, “Aw, hell!”
My mom’s exclamation is what I think, too, as I notice how lost in thought I’ve gotten.
