Page 54 of Echo
He must have sensed the change in my demeanor, because he stared at me with wide eyes. Ranger barked and growled from where he’d been laying on the porch.
“Right.” I rolled my eyes, and a short laugh busted from my chest. “I’m gonna go inside now.”
“Of course, allow me–”
“Alone.” I slammed the door in his face.
I needed to think without his influence.
Chapter 20:
WhatwasIsupposedto do?
In a lot of ways, he reminded me of all the things I loved about my first husband. He also reminded me of what I hated about Mark.
No, I wasn’t being fair to Echo. The shit with Mark was still so fresh. I hadn’t taken the time to heal, and my baggage was pouring over.
Was I making excuses for a monster now?
I rubbed my eyes, leaning onto the kitchen table, where I’d sat for hours already. I was doomed to live in this cycle of letting bad men rule my life unless I took definitive action to change who I was.
If I let myself get any deeper, I’d find myself with my heart ripped out of my chest. Again.
My eyes went to a picture across the way. It was of my grandma Ruby, my mom, and me as a baby. I realized that it was probably here in the kitchen for Pearl to stew in her rage, but my eyes focused on myself.
What would the little girl inside me have to say about all of this?
I remember once when I was five, being pissed at my dad. He was abandoning me with Grandma yet again. I yelled at him in the front yard, that I wanted to stay with him and I hated how he left me all of the time.
“Do you even love me?” I screamed at him as he climbed on his bike.
“What kind of question is that?” He’d frowned in disapproval.
“You’re always leaving me.”
“I always come back.”
“I’m not as important.” I loved my father, but I was never his top priority, chasing his demons was. Even as a little girl, I understood that, and it hurt so much it made it hard to breathe. What I needed wasn’t important, his bloodlust was.
All I wanted was to be the most important thing in his world. That little girl would weep if she knew that I continued to accept that I was second priority my entire life. That I’d grown so complacent with the behavior that I let men treat me however, as long as I felt loved.
I was the common denominator here. If I was tired of living like this, it was up to me to fix it.
I salted the windows and doors, and burned sage candles at each one. My heart ached and loneliness set in as I did it, making my body heavy. Did I even deserve better?
Don’t weenie out now, Madison. It’s time to create some change.
I needed the feed guy’s positive energy in my life. But first, I needed to fix myself.
When night fell, a knock came on the front door. Safe to assume, he couldn’t enter at will anymore.
“Go away,” I yelled.
“Little Rabbit.” It sounded like he was scolding a troublesome toddler. Another blatant reminder of Mark. I rolled my eyes. “What are you doing?”
“You are no longer welcome in my home.”
“Have I offended you?” he asked seriously, and it would be so easy to fall for it. Take some emotional vulnerability and pair it with a mind blowing orgasm, it was no wonder how he sedated me into compliance.
