Page 51 of Dawn to Dusk
They quietly trailed behind me like stray dogs I fed scraps to. I foraged for berries along the way and kept an eye out for small game. A rabbit came out of its hole, and I filled my hand with a flame, shaping it into a knife. I pulled my arm back to throw it, and Mr. Stompy stepped forward, scaring off my quarry.
“That was my breakfast,” I grumbled at him.
“If I feed you, will you be less hostile?”
“No!” I finally snapped. “What do you want?”
“I sincerely apologize,” the beasts announced in unison. You would think they rehearsed it to make sure it was just right, but the look of annoyance they flicked towards each other said otherwise.
“This entire experience must have been confusing for you,” Ziam began the conversation with his sweet, charming demeanor that made me want to claw his face off, so I would never fall prey to those pretty rainbow eyes ever again. I couldn’t stand that he still made me feel all soft and affectionate. “I am sorry for any distress we caused you. I wrote you a letter explaining my distance, but it has come to my attention that it is still in your mailbox.”
“And what does that letter say?”
“That I scent marked you.” Edur confessed quietly. Shame weaved through his tone and immediately made me whirl around to face him. The domineering attitude of my yeti vanished. Guilt pinched his face up until he looked like another man.
“Scent marked?” I never heard of that one before. Beasts marked their mates by pouring their own magic into the person’s soul, usually using a bite to do it. The magic manifested in the shape of the beast who put it there so everyone would know that person was claimed. Calida sported a huge red dragon on her back because of Drakko’s claim. It looked like a tattoo, but after close inspection, I found I could see the magic bubbling under the mark. According to Drakko, it also intertwined his scent with Calida’s, so no beast would dare to approach her.
“He claimed you as his mate with his scent instead of the bite you are familiar with. It’s temporary, but it’s effective.” Ziam explained. “The fastest and easiest way is with sperm or saliva.”
“I’m not Edur’s mate.” I looked at the yeti, confused. He never would have stayed at war with me all those years if that were the case. He avoided my gaze and looked off to the side.
“Whether it was valid or not, I’m not capable of encroaching on his claim. I had to wait until it dissipated. The letter advised I would be back as soon as I could. I still consider you my paramour, nothing has changed for me.” Ziam spoke faster and faster, like he feared I would cut him off before he could say his piece. Which might have been a valid concern. “I kept tabs on you the entire time. That is why I panicked when you went missing.”
“Edur? Why would you mark me?”
“Because I wanted to.” Based on the way he cringed, the answer could be nothing but the truth. He opened his mouth to elaborate, then snapped his jaw back closed with a loud crunch that made me cringe.
“Come out with it!” Ziam scolded. “You have been trying to formulate an explanation for a month and have not come up with anything. Just say it!”
Edur wasn’t as good with words as Ziam. The yeti was crude and rude, but I liked that about him. You never needed to dissect pretty words to figure out what he meant. He said what he said.
“I have grown more attached to you than I should be. Ziam marked you a little bit by accident and set off my possessive instincts.” Another twenty seconds of silence while he grappled with what else to say. “I want you to be my mate. I have waited for the precious people I was meant to protect for over two thousand years. When I imagine who my mates will be, you are perfect. I want to give you everything, but neither of us is getting what we deserve.”
This sweet, insane man. “I never wanted a commitment like that.”
“Because you’re married to that lobcock, Pylo.” I didn’t know when Edur found out that information, but his snarling stated his opinion on the matter. “You don’t know any better.”
Ziam sighed and held up a hand for Edur to be silent. “Beasts cater to our paramours at a much higher level than a mage does for a spouse, but we worship the ground our mates walk on. What he means is that your husband is not comparable to what he wishes to offer you.”
I blinked at them. If I knew anything about mates, I understood that part. Drakko would lick shit if it was for Calida’s benefit. In my brief time as their paramour, I also understood how different they were from my husband. “I’m not capable of giving anyone commitment right now. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
My fingers mindlessly played with the ends of my hair. It was growing back fast. Would I one day forget this phase of my life where I was lost?
“Esmerey.” Ziam’s gentle voice broke me out of my thoughts. His hand intertwined through my fingers still in my hair. “You spent long time hiding. You know who you are. You do not know what to do with your freedom. That’s all that changed.”
I stared into his honest eyes. The wisdom of millions, maybe billions, of years put invisible wrinkles around them. His age seemed clear despite his taut skin and overall youthful appearance.
“A mate isn’t what I need right now.” I changed my answer.
“What do you need?” Both men asked together. They stood straight at attention, ready to meet whatever need I had. The difference between their kind and mine never seemed to end. They owed me nothing. I was not theirs, yet here they stood, ready to help in any way they could.
“Someone I can depend on. Forever is not necessary, honesty is.” I needed someone who wouldn’t rock my already shaky boat.
“I can do that. I was just ashamed of violating your rights by acting like an impulsive cub.” Edur promised. “Give me another chance.”
I lived in shame my entire adult life. My shame multiplied when I chose to be true to myself. My entire life, even a glance at my own reflection, made me sick. The reason for his avoidance was one I understood well.
“You don’t need to hide from me simply because you think you have done something I won’t like.” I had no place to judge anyone.
