Page 57 of Ugly Truths
“At first, not really.” I don’t sugarcoat it. “I was doing that type of work for Peter for over five years. It was almost second nature to me.”
His expression doesn’t change, but I feel the way his breath hitches. I press closer, our noses skimming.
“But it only took a few weeks before I started looking for different ways to get what he wanted.” My voice is softer now. “It was gradual at first. But after the alley…” I trail off, exhaling shakily. “I don’t know if I’ll ever stop hating myself for all of it.”
My hand slides to his neck, fingers curling at his nape as I pull back just enough to see his face. His expression is strained as he speaks, “Why didn’t you just tell me you were in trouble?”
I gnaw on the inside of my cheek.
“I was terrified. Of Peter, mostly. But also of you.” The admission is quiet. “I couldn’t imagine telling you everything I’d done and you not killing me for it.” A humorless laugh escapes before I can stop it. “Forget forgiving me. I never even considered that a possibility.”
After waking up partially drugged in an undisclosed basement a few weeks ago, I had official confirmation that he wouldn’t have taken the confession well. Though that doesn’t make what I did forgivable, at least I wasn’t wrong for fearing it.
“And the more you showed me how much you cared, the worse it got, because I didn’t want to hurt you.” My thumb traces lightly against his skin. “I was selfish and scared and wanted to hold onto you as long as I could.”
Silas’s eyes flare as I hand over every terrible piece of me without excuse or justification. He studies my expression before something in him shifts. It's subtle, but it's there.
The hand he left resting on his chest moves to my face, fingers sliding into the side of my hair, angling me toward him as if he needs to see all of me.
“Okay,” he concedes. “That’s enough for tonight.” Those endlessly dark eyes trace over my features. “Now I just want to look at you.”
I frown slightly, but before I can ask, he speaks so softly, it’s as if the words are something he’s only just found the strength to say.
“There were two days when I thought you were dead and I’d never be able to look at you again.” The confession slices through me, claws deep, and settles in places I don’t know how to reach. “I hated you.” A thumb sweeps over my cheekbone. “But I also loved you so much that knowing you were gone almost destroyed what was left of me.”
His gaze is distant even while looking at me, and my heart splinters. “Until I saw you in that holding room with my own two eyes, I don’t think I’d taken a real breath since June.”
Silas repeats the first thought I had when I laid eyes on him again. He felt that, too, despite everything I did.
Tears blur my vision, the edges of the dark room turning soft and watery. “I was supposed to get in and out quietly. I didn’t want anyone–”
Silas hushes me, his fingers warm against my face. “I know.”
His thumb sweeps over my cheek again, catching a tear before it can fall. Then, slowly, he leans in, pressing a lingering kiss to myhairline.
“You haunted every goddamn minute of my day,” he murmurs against my skin, his breath rustling the loose strands. “Awake or asleep. I couldn’t escape you.”
He moves lower, his mouth finding my damp cheekbone, lips soft but unyielding. “I hated you for making me feel like that.” Another kiss, this time on the other cheek, slower, deeper. “For making me love you so quickly that losing you felt like it would actually kill me.”
His lips brush the tip of my nose. My hand moves to his chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his t-shirt.
“I swore if I found you, I’d make you pay for it.” He tilts my chin up slightly, his mouth ghosting over the edge of my jaw, whispering the threat that never quite made it to reality. “But now that you’re here, all I want to do is lock you away so you can’t run from me.”
His lips skim the corner of mine. “So you can never disappear like that again. Or drive me out of my fucking mind hunting you down.”
The ringing in my ears is deafening, but still not loud enough to miss his quiet vow as he moves to speak against my mouth. “Neveragain.”
Never.
My soft, shuddering breath is swallowed by Silas as he finally kisses me. I tilt my head, lips parting beneath his. Those words snake around my spine, squeezing so deliciously that it aches.
His fingers knot in my hair, the grip almost punishing as he yanks me closer, pulling me deeper into him like he doesn’t care if he breaks me.
And I’d let him.
He shifts, dragging my body up and over his until I’m straddling him, my knees bracketing his torso. His hands roam greedily—palming my hips, skimming my spine, pressing possessively at my ass. It’s like he doesn’t know where he wants to touch me most.
I manage to tug up the hem of his shirt, my fingers seeking the heat of his skin, feeling him the way I did in the hallway earlier today. Hard muscle flexes beneath my touch. Molten heat spreads, burning in my veins until it’s the only thing I can feel.
