Page 34 of Ugly Truths
“He’s being treated the same as you,” Natalie says quietly beside me. “I’ve been over to check on him. He’s okay.”
Gatitude surges in my chest. There’s relief in knowing that if nothing else, she’ll be the moral compass that ensures Luis gets back to Colorado.
I manage a nod and a smile. “Okay. Thank you.”
Davey excuses himself, leaving the room. As soon as the door clicks shut, Natalie hands me a container of tikka masala. The rich spices curl around me like a memory.
After murmuring another thanks, I pick up my fork and force myself to take a bite. It’s hard to enjoy it when my stomach is still in knots.
I hesitate for a moment before setting my fork down. “How’s Silas?” The words are so quiet that they're almost nonexistent.
Natalie sighs. “I wish I knew,” she admits, poking at her food. “I haven’t seen much of him since June. He’s been avoiding me.”
Guilt settles in. I know I’m the reason he avoids her; every conversation circles back to me.
The quiet lingers between us before, softly, Natalie asks, “Did you have real feelings for him?” She looks at me then, eyes searching.
I could lie to make this easier, but it would be unfair to what I want Silas to know.
“I couldn’t fake what I felt for him.” My voice trembles just slightly at the admission. “I tried to keep my distance, especially when I realized how much I liked having you as a friend. Deep down, I think I knew that if I let myself do it, there’d truly be no going back.”
The lump in my throat bobs as I swallow down the pain. “He wasn’t supposed to keep showing up like that. I figured I was just a passing infatuation, but he kept trying. Then, after the alley, I gave in because I wanted to, even though I knew it’d hurt like hell at the end.”
Natalie nods, absorbing my words without argument. She doesn’t offer me sympathy. Doesn’t offer me anything, really. And I knew she wouldn’t.
I clear my throat, shifting the conversation. “Were you aware of how extensive Silas and Davey’s extracurricularactivities are?”
She snorts but still takes my question to heart, nodding her head side to side. “I always knew there was more happening, but I didn’t ask questions,” she says finally. “I didn’t really want to know, but had to learn after you asked for me.”
Shame claws at me again. I drop my gaze. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Natalie surprises me by patting my arm. “I’m actually relieved.” She smiles. “At least now I understand. This all makes more sense to me, and that made it worth it.”
The unexpected kindness tugs at something deep in my ribs, but I push past it, taking another bite of food.
For a while, we eat in silence before Natalie speaks again. “Tell me about Luis.”
I glance up at her, chewing slowly. “What do you want to know?”
“How did you meet?”
I tell her the basics—us working together, helping each other out when we could on other jobs, and becoming friends over time. She scans my face for any indication of the unasked question I know she wants an answer to.
“We’ve never been more than friends,” I clarify, anyway. “Though there was one time in Colorado I thought maybe he’d try to cross that line,” I pause, pushing my food around the take-out container with my fork, “but I ran from it.”
“Why?”
“Because it felt wrong. And I was still mourning my life here.”
Natalie studies me as she takes a bite of her lunch, weighing my words. “Do you think you’ll ever want that with him?”
“No.”
The answer comes out fast, instinctual. Even if I were allowed to leave here, a new relationship is the furthest thing from my mind.
Natalie nods, and I’m grateful she doesn’t push to understand why. There’s no point in dissecting the what-ifs or the maybes. Those are long gone, and that’s okay.
Maybe that’s the beauty in all of this. The worrying is over. For the first time ever, I know how this ends, and it’s almost comforting that there’s nothing left to run from. Only acceptance and whatevercomes after.
