Page 38 of Taste of Forever
The vampire stilled while I swallowed, struggling to get the words out. I’d never talked candidly about my and Justin’s issues to anyone. People saw us as a perfectly solid, happy couple, and I carried no small amount of shame that we’d been struggling for a while.
Well, thatIwas struggling. Justin seemed perfectly content with how things were, which often made me wonder if I was the problem.
“Our lives are very intertwined,” I said to Laith. “We live together, split rent and bills. If we broke up, we’d have to break our lease and both find somewhere else to live because neither one of us can afford the apartment on our own.”
“So youplanon leaving him,” Laith clarified. “But the logistics are difficult?”
Had I fantasized about leaving Justin? About being single or with some other person who actually put in a modicum of effort and acted like they gave shit about me? Yes. These days, it was almost daily.
Did I actuallywantto end things? To give up on what we once had and prepare for a new life full of unknowns? Those answers weren’t so straightforward.
But what I said to Laith was, “Yes,” and added, “it is emotionally difficult too. I mean, we’ve been together for several years. But the relationship hasn’t been fulfilling to me for a long time. I’ve grown…resentful. And I’m not sure I can come back from that.”
Laith stared at me for several long seconds without saying anything, and I tried not to squirm under his magenta gaze. I’d said exactly what I felt. Nothing was technically untrue, but could he sense me trying to deceive him anyway?
“Does he hurt you?” the vampire asked abruptly.
“What?” I blinked, taken aback. “Justin? No, he never has.”
“I don’t just mean physically. Does he threaten you or make you feel unsafe in any way?”
“No.”But someone else definitely does, and I don’t know what he’s capable of.
Laith blew out a breath like he was releasing tension from his body. “So, what can I do while you’re stillintertwinedwith him?”
I reached for my water again, taking a long gulp to cool my tightening throat. “You need my blood, right? Mine, specifically.”
“… Yes.” He dragged the word out cautiously. “But it is more than that, as I explained to you last time.”
“Right, yes. And I am willing to…feel things out in that regard. Slowly, over time. Getting to know each other.”
“Feel things out,” he repeated slowly, a lazy smile forming on his lips. “In what way would you like tofeel things outwith me? And don’t you dare skimp on the details.”
“Not physically,” I said firmly. Giving this vampire my blood and leading him on for my own preservation was one thing, butI would not physically cheat on Justin. That was a hard line for me. “No…you know, intimate touching of any kind.”
Laith’s eyes narrowed with a frown. “Are you and him still fucking?”
The blunt question caught me off-guard. “Uh, no. Not…we haven’t for a…while.”
“How long’s a while?”
“A couple of months. Maybe three, four months.”
“You’ve been turning him down?”
I wanted to curl into a ball and disappear from the shame. “Other way around, actually.”
“Temkra’s grace.” Laith scrubbed a hand over his face, gaze trailing off somewhere distant. “What the fuck’s wrong with him?” He refocused on me. “That was a rhetorical question, actually. Don’t answer that. I don’t need to know.”
I bristled with the need to defend Justin. “Nothing’s wrong with him. We’re just…not connecting.”
“That makes it even worse! How could he not want to…connectwhen he gets to see you every day?” Laith pinched his nose bridge, groaning. “Sorry. I’ve gone a long time without blood and I’m exhausted. I have no filter on a good day, and I feel like a deflated basketball being dribbled by a Marrower.”
A laugh burst out of me, the sound unexpected to both of us. “What does that even mean?”
“I don’t know.” Laith smiled softly, propping his arm on the back of the couch.
He did look tired. Almost haggard, if I was being honest. But there was a brightness about him that was infectious. A warmth emanated from him, not quite like a fire. It was gentler than that. Like the sun on an early spring day.
