Page 226 of Intense
“Yeah… the blonde one. You used to sneak her snacks from our house. Penelope?”
The name stabs through me like glass. I nod.
“I did that because her parents were abusing her. Starving her. Beating her. And…” My voice fractures. I can’t say it. Fuck. “Doing everything to her.”
I’ll never find the words to express in detail what they did to us both. That never needs speaking out loud. I need them to understand, not live my trauma with me.
Declan pales. Conan’s fists clench white.
“Fuck. That’s awful. What happened to her? She just disappeared, didn’t she?”
I swallow hard, nails digging into my palm. Pain. I fucking need pain.
“Her parents murdered her.”
Conan hisses through his teeth. Declan presses his lips together, holding back the curse I know is on his tongue.
“It gets worse,” I whisper.
They lean in, but I can barely get the words out. “I found out about her abuse long before she died. And I… I decided to take the brunt of it. For her.”
Declan’s jaw drops. “You mean?”
I nod. Shame floods me, burning down my spine. I close my eyes, fighting tears, fighting the memories of their hands on me in that house.
“I thought I could handle it better than her. That I could find a way to save her. I was ten. Ten. I didn’t know what to do, just that I had to try.”
Conan wipes at his cheek, and the sight of his tears twists my stomach. I don’t want pity. I don’t want their grief. I just want to be heard.
“But one night she didn’t come out. I snuck to her window, and I saw her. Throat slit. Bleeding out on her pink rug. The one with the ballerinas on it.”
That was the moment my soul turned to ash.
“The lights went out in me that night. And they didn’t come back until Stephanie.”
I grip the glass so tight I’m sure it’ll shatter.
“I made the decision then to end it. So while her parents slept, I snuck into their room, and I repaid the favor. Brutally. And then I cut them up. I made them pay.”
Silence. My brothers stare, stunned and horrified, hands over their mouths.
“That’s when I knew I wanted to be a surgeon. The only good thing to come from it. I found a purpose. I got revenge. But I failed her.”
They’re both out of their chairs in seconds, arms wrapping around me in a bear hug. My tears fall freely. I fucking hate it. This weakness.
That’s why I am the way I am. That’s why I cut my heart out and locked it in a box. Why I fucked, fought, and killed instead of feeling.
“Finn, why didn’t you tell us? You’ve carried this for twenty-five years,” Declan’s voice breaks.
“Because I didn’t want my cuts to bleed into you. I didn’t want you to become like me.”
Conan’s grip tightens. Declan’s jaw works as he tries not to break. Conan doesn’t even bother to hide his. I’ve always been jealous of him in a way, being able to just feel. Even if people think it’s too loudly. I’ve kept my emotions locked in a prison inside my brain, and now that I’ve unlocked it, I’m not surewhich way to turn anymore. I’ve gone from feeling nothing to everything all at once.
“Did Dad know?”
“Yeah. He caught me mid-surgery. He covered it up. Hid it from the authorities. That was the last time I spoke of it… until recently.”
Conan looks at me sharply. “You told Stephanie?”
