Page 41 of Before We Say Goodbye
“What’s his opinion on yours?”
“I hear he likes them, but I don’t seek out the articles. All I can do is my best. How they’re received is not my problem.”
Ovulation meant the Olympics of sex every month, as Otis and Rebecca had yet to make another baby. Nineteen seventy-five was a feeding frenzy for Bec’s libido. She’d even track him down between the vine rows and tear the shears from his hand and rip down his pants to seize the opportune moment.
Though it had started out fun, a desperation began to fill her eyes ... and Otis started hiding from her.
One day in mid-July, when he came in for lunch, she fired a finger at him. “Take your pants off. Let’s go.”
“Bec, I’m ... let’s give it a break till tomorrow.”
“This is my window. Now. Pants off, c’mon. Cam’s going to wake up any minute.”
Otis felt no stir at all down below. In fact, he said, “Bec, my lobster tail is rubbed raw, and you have to get me excited in some way. I’m not a fornicating machine.”
Bec crossed her arms; her eyebrows curled. “Is it really so much to ask for you to make love to your wife?”
He waved a hand through the air. “This isn’t lovemaking, what we’re doing. Maybe that’s the problem. Let’s go out on a date, perhaps even seduce each other. I can’t keep doing it this way. You’re going to create an aversion.” As soon as he said it, he knew he’d made a mistake.
“An aversion?” She nodded in that way that showed him he was going to the doghouse no matter what he said.
“You know what I mean,” he said sweetly.
“I do. This is about you getting tired of me. Six years together, and now I don’t even excite you anymore.”
“Excite me? You got me excited twice yesterday and once already this morning! That’s about all I’m good for. I need to recharge.”
Her eyes could have put holes through glass. Otis took a timid step toward her and offered a hand. She swatted it away.
“C’mon, Bec. The baby will come when it’s supposed to come.”
“Unlike my husband,” she said without any hint of humor.
Otis sighed but stepped closer to her and opened up his arms. “Come here.”
She reluctantly let him hug her, and he pressed his cheek to her head. Her hair smelled like dried rose petals. “I want to say something, but I don’t want you to get mad at me. We’re in this together. You have to always know that.”
No response.Oh, the hell with it,he thought. “I think you’re struggling right now. Yes, part of it is me and how I’m distracted by work. Of course it’s how you’re giving everything you have to Cam. But there’s something bigger at the core.” He let his words settle.
“Is my husband trying to be my psychotherapist right now? I can’t wait to see how this goes.”
He held her tighter. “I’m guessing not well, but I’m going to say it anyway. I think you’re still blaming yourself for not being home to stop Jed from enlisting. So you’re constantly trying to make it up to your family. You give and give and give, all the time, despite them not giving back. And you’re so hung up on things needing to happen. Jed going to rehab. Your mom eating healthier. Your dad drinking less and working more. Us having a baby. It feels like it’s all related.”
The only sound for a good minute was the hum of the window unit.
When she didn’t respond, he said, “It wasn’t your fault. You don’t owe them anything. You don’t oweJedanything. You were seventeen,growing up in an awful home. You did the best you could. Jed, and Jed alone, is responsible for his own actions. I know they’re your family, and you have to do what you have to do, but stop doing it for the wrong reasons.”
He pulled back and waited till she was looking at him. “You have to liveyourlife. God, I hate seeing you hurting so.”
A tear escaped her eye.
He wiped it and then kissed her cheek. “It’s time to put yourself first for a while. Can you do that?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe. I still want a baby, though.”
“I do, too, my love, but let’s not rush it, okay? Trying is supposed to be the fun part.” He kissed both cheeks and then the tip of her nose. “You’re my everything, Rebecca Till, and I love you and am attracted to you more today than I was to that sexy girl on the purple bus six years ago.”
“You sure?”
