Page 27 of Before We Say Goodbye
As July drew near, Bec told Otis that she wanted to attend Sonoma State University and study business. She’d spent the night at the cabin, and they were both getting dressed for work. “I could get a better job,” she said, “make more money.”
Otis, who currently made less than her, tugged on his jeans, knowingexactlywhat this was about. “You can’t keep carrying your family, Bec. You’re not even twenty years old and paying their bills, giving them cash like ... like they’re children getting an allowance.” When she didn’t reply, he kept going. “Doing the laundry, the shopping. Ushering Jed around.”
Rebecca pulled a dress over her head. “You’d do the same thing for your family—if you had to.”
Otis glanced at her before reaching for a flannel shirt in his closet. “Do you have to, though? Or are they taking advantage of you? I don’t see why they can’t pull their own weight. They’re all capable of working, including your dad.”
Annoyance clung to her words. “What do you want me to say, Otis? My dad prefers the welfare checks and pretending like he’s retired. Jed’s collecting VA money, but it’s not enough. He risks his life for thiscountry, gives his legs, and they barely give him enough to get by. The least I can do is chip in.”
Otis shoved an arm into his shirt. “And your mom?”
Rebecca lifted her hands, palms up. “She’s looking for a job, but if I go back to school, then I won’t be able to help as much, which means she won’t have time to work. Jed’s not capable of taking care of himself right now. On top of the issues he already had, he’s having to figure out living without legs. Can you imagine? I’m not going to abandon him right now.”
Otis could hear the annoyance in his own voice escalate as he said, “It might be the best thing for him. All he’s doing is drinking and drugging away the money the VA’s giving him. Maybe your dad should kick him out again.”
Rebecca turned red. “Stop. Please quit pestering me about it and understand that I have to do what I have to do. With a college degree, I can help themandmake more money for us. When we start our own winery, I’ll have money saved and the skills we need to run the numbers. Lloyd said if I got my degree, he could help me find a good job with another winery—something I could do in the meantime to gain experience.”
Otis stopped buttoning his shirt. “Lloyd? How ... when did you talk toLloyd?”
“He had lunch at the café.”
Of course he did,Otis thought, bile creeping up his esophagus. “I’d be careful with him, Rebecca.”
“Oh, c’mon. He’s harmless.”
“Yeah, well ... he has his eye on you.”
She approached the mirror in the bathroom and began to apply what little makeup she wore. “What does that matter?”
He followed her, buttoning his shirt with angry intensity. “So you’re admitting to it.”
She pointed at him in the mirror with her blush brush. “Otis, what I’m saying is that it doesn’t matter how he feels about me. Don’t insultmy integrity because of your insecurities. Matter of fact, why don’t you get off my back? I was telling you that I wanted to go to college. I’m excited about it ... and you stomp on it.”
“I’m excited for you. What do you want me to say? Your family wears me out sometimes.” Properly put in his place, Otis leaned against the wall and watched her for a while. “I’m stressed out, Bec. I don’t mean to take it out on you. I’m calling my parents later, finally tell them what’s going on, and it’s ... really wearing on me. I’m sorry.”
Rebecca took a long time to respond. Finally, she turned to him. “I accept your apology. As far as your parents, think how nice it will feel when you finally get it over with.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Dad?” Otis wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d felt a warm trickle run down his leg. He’d dialed the number while sitting, but he sprang up from the couch once Addison answered.
“Hello, Otis, caught me at a good time. How’s summer school?”
Slow breaths, ol’ boy,he told himself. The lies had perpetuated, spiraling off one another, first the discussions about how spring classes had gone, then how he’d met a girl but nothing much had come of it, and then how he was going to stay in California for the summer to sneak in a few courses and get a jump on his sophomore year.
The mess that he’d made had reached its tipping point, and any peace that he’d found was moments away from tumbling down into the abyss.
“It’s . . .”
The lies had to stop.
“You might want to sit down, Dad.”
“What is it?”
Otis wished he wasn’t tied to the phone cord, as he needed room to move. Relenting, he sat back down, depositing his derriere just so onthe edge of the raggedy couch.Out with it, you twit,he said to himself.Not one more minute of this charade.
The words wouldn’t come, though.
