Page 86 of The Singing Trees
Nonna said into Annalisa’s sobbing, “I want you to come home.”
Annalisa felt like she’d been slapped. “What? You have to be kidding. I’m not coming home.”
Nonna patted Annalisa’s side but was firm about her suggestion. “How are you going to raise a child in the city by yourself?”
Annalisa glanced at Walt, wishing he might do something, but he’d taken a seat and was staring at the floor. “Thomas will only have five more months overseas,” she said. “I’ll be fine.”
Nonna leaned in. “You can come back in the meantime.”
“I can’t come back,” Annalisa said. “I know you like your life there, but it’s not for me. I like the city. Besides, I’m not leaving Walt’s store. He needs me.”
Walt was still silent, sitting next to Nino but far from the conversation. He’d learned to stay out of their way when the two Italians fell into disagreement.
Nonna said, “He managed to do just fine before he met you. Don’t think you’re that special. It’s time to come home.”
Annalisa didn’t say that he was older now, and she wasn’t so sure he could run it without her help. The assistant they’d hired wasn’t capable of filling Annalisa’s role. “I’m not leaving everything I’ve worked for. Sharon is waiting on my pieces for the show. I can’t give that up.”
“It’s not about you,” Nonna said. “You’re going to be a mother soon. You need to let go of all these dreams now and focus on the baby.”
Annalisa wanted out of that bed. “I know you’re trying to help, Nonna, and I really appreciate that ... but Thomas will be home soon. He’ll finish his commitment only a few months after the baby is born. Why don’t you move down to Portland? I would love for you to be more involved with our lives. And you’d be with Walt.”
Nonna tutted, as if a move to Portland was an impossibility. “I’m too old to move anywhere.”
“Suit yourself,” Annalisa said, “but know that we’d love to have you. Truly, Nonna. I can’t imagine you not being involved with our baby. I won’t stop trying to convince you.”
Nonna wagged her finger at her. “Try all you want.” Then she added, “I won’t be far; you know me and babies.”
Sitting at the dining-room table that evening, as she tried to find the excitement she should be feeling, Annalisa wrote a long letter to Thomas. Actually, she wrote several but tore them up halfway through. He didn’t need to take on her worries of how she’d manage without him until he came home. Or how they could give their baby the best life. Or how she could possibly continue to paint. Annalisa could worry about all this on her own for now. The only thing he needed to know was that she was pregnant and happy, and soon they’d be a family of three.
When she finished the letter, the other five attempts crumpled up on the table, she didn’t hesitate in kissing her signature, leaving rose-red lipstick marks before folding it closed. She was out of stamps, so she decided she’d swing by the post office during lunch the next day.
She sat there for a long while, staring at the unstamped letter and then into the negative space between her paintings that covered the walls and then out through the porch to the dark of the city. Was sending this letter the best idea? She thought back to Hawaii, back to Thomas’s reaction to her getting fired, back to those conversations when he’d said he hated being so far away from her. Sure, the news of a baby would be a strong new reason to come home, but didn’t he have enough reason anyway? As much as it might help, it might hurt too. He might be worried about Annalisa and how she had taken the news and not keep his mind fully where it needed to be for his survival.
She closed her eyes and prayed, asking for a clear vision. Her prayer turned to more fear as she realized Thomas wouldn’t want her workingand pregnant, and he’d worry that she would go crazy trying to go it alone. He’d want to be here helping, paying the bills.
He knew her so well that he’d know how the baby might hurt her career. How could she keep painting as her energy levels declined? He’d consider all these things, and he’d kick himself all over again for letting his grades slip. He could have avoided all this by holding on to his deferment. He might even consider dropping out of college so that he could be a better father. He might drive himself crazy figuring all this out while working through the nightmare that was the Vietnam War.
What about his family? How would they react? Bill Barnes would find a way to be even more furious, whereas Elizabeth Barnes might be thrilled. During both of the phone conversations they’d shared this summer, she’d mentioned how excited she was to prance her little grandbabies around town and how much she’d love it if Thomas and Annalisa would move to Davenport. Annalisa had simply shrugged the idea off, assuring her she and Thomas would make such decisions together upon his return. Annalisa wondered what kind of grandmother Mrs.Barnes would be. Aloof with a side of fortitude? Distant with a side of engagement?
And then Emma. As much as Annalisa would hope that she’d be thrilled by the news, knowing that she’d be an aunt, she might instead be knocked back into her shell. Annalisa wanted nothing more than to share with Emma, a way to reconnect with her, but she couldn’t take the risk. Despite the fact that they were going to be sisters, Emma still hadn’t shown any interest in having a relationship with Annalisa, who had attempted to speak with her two times by phone and had even extended an invitation for a weekend in Portland. So the chances of Emma being anything other than hurt and angry were infinitesimal.
By the time the bells of midnight chimed, she’d decided to wait on telling Thomas and his family. She even thought it might be fun to surprise him in person as he set foot back on the safe ground of Americansoil in December. The idea was absurd, though. She pictured Thomas stepping off the bus.
In a jolly holiday voice, she said out loud, “Hi, Thomas, welcome back from the war. This? That’s your giant baby inside of me—your little Hawaiian gift coming to a theater near you in February. No, I can’t imagine Waikiki Beach is good for population control. By the way, turns out pills are not one hundred percent effective!”
Chapter 31
KNOCKEDDOWNLIKEBOWLINGPINS
Thomas finally wrote in September, and Annalisa let herself breathe again. Her belly had swollen, and the Mancusos all knew of the pregnancy, each of them trying desperately to lure her back home. She appreciated very much that she was still welcomed with such open arms, despite her sins.
I’m coming home to you December 3, can you believe it? It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve made it and I’m coming home.
She read the date again:December 3.
A tear dropped on the3, spreading out and soaking into the paper. As excited as she was, it was a terrifying notion, a few more months. Surely, he’d be super vigilant and not try to be a hero. She thought of Michael, who was just shipping out to Vietnam for his tour after extensive training as a medic.
Sorry I haven’t written. I barely have time to even write this note now. But know that I’m healthy and ready to make a life with you. I’ve written my family to let them know that I’ll be moving to Portland and attending UMPG as soon as I’m done with my commitment next summer.
